I've slept with his friend

[rosegold77]

For the past month or so, I've been speaking to this really nice guy who I've now developed feelings for. I've recently followed him on Instagram and yesterday he posted a group photo with his friends. I recognised one of the men in the picture and realised it's someone I slept with back when I was at uni (8 years ago). What do I do now? I have to confess to new guy, don't I?

No 👎
why ? Your not even shagging him yet ?

id conveniently forget , assuming this was a casual thing some years ago

Say nothing and if it even comes up then act all surprised and say you had forgotten all about John

I don't think you should say anything yet - what if this new guy turns out to be great but things don't progress because one or both of you feels a bit weird about something unimportant that happened years ago?
id conveniently forget too!

I wouldn't. Are they still close?
The guy also might not want anyone to know you have a fling

I would say because if you don't and it comes up later he'll find it harder not to be paranoid. Honesty is the best policy.

You can tell him if you want to, but it's not confessing, as that implies you have done something wrong, which you haven't.

In fact, I absolutely would tell him, as if he reacts badly it's an early and convenient indicator that he's a prat!

If you don't his friend probably will.

If it comes up, just make it a light hearted comment about it. Don't put his friend down, but don't make a big deal about it either. Remember you have nothing to confess to. You haven't done anything wrong.

If you start having a relationship with him, I’d mention it casually. When I first met DH I was in the forces and had had a couple of flings with other men. When it got serious I said that given that the navy’s a small world, you should know I was briefly involved with Bill and Ben. Just as well as we’ve met them both socially since and it’s been fine.

Does he know you've seen the picture? Did you 'like' it on Instagram? If not then just pretend you haven't seen anything and don't mention it

I'd say something like' I saw that pic you put up of you with your friends, I recognised one of them from when I was at uni'. If he asks more then just be honest, it's no big deal.

Weird one, you haven't done anything wrong though

For now it really doesn't matter, if you get into a serious relationship, where perhaps you might have to see him one day then mention it, even then he's unlikely to care being 8 years before him!

Have you even met him?

You don't need to confess because you haven't done anything wrong!! Plus It was 8 years ago, you didn't know this man then. Therefore no confessing needed. You don't need to mention anything at all. Your sex life past and present has nothing ti do with anyone but you. If he brings it up then his friend has told him. But I wouldn't bet on a man remembering someone he slept with at uni, once, almost 10 years ago (I don't mean that to sound cruel).

You just didn’t see the picture. Or if you did, you didn’t recognise Chummy. When you ‘meet’ Chummy you don’t recognise him then, either. If he brings it up you remember, you’re embarrassed, you recognise him now. Just one of those things. If it’s a problem at that point the new fella’s not worth having.

It's a small world!

But nothing to do with anyone else who you have slept with in the past. Nothing at all.

I wouldn't say anything until you have been introduced to the guy in person. I'd imagine this happens to people quite a bit.