Ghosted - why do I feel so upset?

[Leahinlondon]

So I’m pretty sure I’ve been ghosted by someone I been seeing for about a month (not long I know) - haven’t heard from him in over a week, before he would text regularly and even double texted a few times.

I’m just surprised at how hurt I feel - sounds pathetic but I can’t concentrate at all today and even had a little cry.

Can anyone say something to make me feel a little better? Have such an important work day tomorrow but can’t focus at all :/

If he (presume it's a he) doesn't have the decency to end things or simply tell you he's not feeling it with you then he's not worth a carrot and he's done you a favour. He's an immature w@ nker who doesn't deserve someone amazing and ready for a grown up, serious relationship. Almost certainly was just looking for a cheap fling. Put it behind you and carry on being f@# king fabulous X

He's done you a massive favour.

Ghosting is a sign of his inability to communicate properly, these are his avoidant issues.

This too shall pass, value yourself enough to know you are worth more.

Count your blessings he did it now rather than a few months in. Ghosting is a horrible way to treat someone.

Thanks for the replies!

had another little cry - can’t believe how upset I am!

Aw that’s sad did you meet him online as I feel that those that date online many are cheaters etc. my friend got told by a man how he wanted a relationship I saw the same man still on bumble my friend said to chat as me I did and he lied about the weekend that he had spent with her and said he was looking for a relationship which he had said to her. So yes I think many that ghost are already seeing others too so don’t be to upset lucky break

It's fine to have a cry, it's a shitty thing to do and a knock to your confidence and trust. Get it out of your system then block and move on.
As others have said they've shown you who they are and it's better now than later. Give it a week or two and you'll feel much better and stronger.

Yes - met him online (Hinge)

Decided to book in for some beauty treatments this evening just to distract myself! And just get a bit of a confidence boost really - this type of behaviour really lowers my self esteem I’ve noticed

My love, we know it hurts, but a month in, you don’t know him, not him as a person. Only what you THINK you know. The idea of a potential romance is what you’re grieving here, the removal of a promise of building something.

it IS better he does this now. I did a bit of OLD aand tbh, quickly learned not to even consider any kind of relationship as serious until it got past 6m or more a year.

chin up love. Eyes, tits and teeth and keep walking onward

(((massive hug)))

Good idea to do something for yourself. sure he’s decided you’re not right for him, but anyone who would treat you like this isn’t right for you either.

IF he comes back, don’t let him pick up where he left off, you’re nobody’s back up plan.

what’s the phrase? “never make someone a priority if to them you’re only an option”

He's very rude, and quite nasty to do this to you. I don't blame you for being upset. But you've dodged a bullet there.

Ghosters come back
they do it’s almost scientifically proven !
so be ready for that
he’s changed his mind and doesn’t have the guts to say
or has a better offer (in his mind )

Listen it’s so hurtful
so many of us have this and men and women and the internet bewail this

be ready for the return when he gets horny

I could be wrong but I always see ghosting as a real lack of self esteem on their part I feel like they are saying "I'm going and you won't even notice so I'll just slip away instead of letting you know of my departure".
It does show you he is a bit of a dick though and don't take it personally as he can't help being one obviously 😂

They ALL come back, but don't be available when they do.

I think sometimes the quit quitting daters, do it quietly so that there was never an argument, never an unpleasant conversation that can be pointed to, it relieves them of accountability so that they can sneak back when the fancy takes them. Don't accept them back.

It hurts terribly. I had this from the first man I ever met OLD. I wanted to take things easy, but he seemed very keen indeed, wanted to see me loads, told me he was falling for me, sent flowers to my workplace...

Then, after about 6-8 weeks where everything seemed fine...poof!

Texts dried up, suddenly unavailable and that was the end of that.

I was utterly gutted. Had never been dumped before, and the relationships I'd had before that started well progressed to be long term. I'm not proud to say that I continued to text him fishing for replies for a couple of weeks before I accepted reality. I hope that you have more dignity than me!

Why do you feel so upset?

Because ghosting is a shitty thing to do to someone.

It’s the coward’s way of ending a relationship by just leaving you hanging rather than having the balls to say thanks but it’s not working for me. Yes, that’s not a nice thing to hear either if you’ve got the feelz for them but at least you both know where you stand and you’re not left dangling, wondering, hoping.

It says more about the person doing the ghosting than the person being ghosted and you’ve certainly dodged a bullet with this one.

You could always draw a line under it for your own peace of mind and send him a message saying “I am assuming your radio silence means lack of interest so I am calling it a day. All the best for the future”.

That way, YOU get to call the final shot and you can carry on with your search for someone more suited for you.

It is upsetting, you've spent a month getting to know him, getting your hopes up of a new relationship forming, for him to ghost. It's gutless of him. Block him, just incase he decides the grass wasn't any greener and he tries to come back with a ridiculous bs excuse for ignoring you.

It's upsetting because there isn't really any closure with ghosting. I've been ghosted by an ex-fwb and it sucks. I spent a long time worrying about him and wondering what I'd done wrong. I recently got closure, (not from him though!) but it's a horrible feeling. I won't be doing FWB/Casual again, that's for sure :) being ghosted hurts, no matter how confident you are within yourself. Block and move on is the only advice I can give and make sure you get tested too.

You need to examine why a practical stranger has made you feel so low? You barely know someone after a month let alone anything else, for most people. And it wasn't even mutual. What void was he filling in your life?

Snap! Yes they do come back! I have been ghosted again but I feel its different to last time! Wrote a post what has happened in this thread. I know how you feel I know if he contacts me again I need to be strong I feel I need to have it out with him once and for all and put a stop to it. Be 9 years next February since we first met! I get so angry at my self too!