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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Stressed DP-how can you help and cope?

4 replies

sammysam · 28/01/2008 12:16

Dp is very stressed at the moment, and he takes it out on me-picking at me about little things. He knows he does it but says he can't help it-things just wind him up.
He is crap at talking and finds it hard to open up-he even finds it hard to make small talk to everyone (except his friends) including me and his family.
We watched the buterfly effect last night and got talking afterwards and from how he was talking it made him sound very unhappy. He is happy at work (although it is a stressful job) and is happy being with me and dd, so my only conclusion is he is unhappy being stressed and unhappy iyswim?

He always wants things done right and perfectly (inc. things he does) but when they aren't he gets very frustrated, stressed and upset. We talked about this and how surely it makes sense for him to work on that himself as not everyone is going to change for him (ie other road users)and he said yes but why should he and it just goes round in circles.............

from what i know his dad was the same (maybe worse) which led to his parents divorce (his dad is now a reformed character having found religion), but i think dp has learned this behaviour from him...

anyway sorry for the ramble SO how can i help him de-stress and calm down? Please any suggestions would be great as i really don't think he can go on like this-he says he almost permanently feels stressed so his head really hurts (from pressure build up)

Money also REALLY worries him as him mum brought him up with real fear about being careful with money etc...

OP posts:
sdr · 28/01/2008 13:53

You have your hands-full there. I think it really worries men when they see themselves repeating a negative family behaviour. My DH is petrified that he will lose his nerve like his dad and brother. They just want their same old routine, don't want to travel and just be in their comfort zone. So it's good he recognises what's happening. We found practical works better than talking. Could he find some exercise he likes, doesn't have to be the gym? Cycling, rowing? Diet helps with stress, eat well during the week but relax it at the weekend. Give him a weekly pass to go out with mates.

sammysam · 28/01/2008 16:47

Thanks sdr. He is just starting training for the London Triathlon (has had a bad cold for the last month so hasn't) so when he starts up again he'll be better. I never stop him from going out with mates so he easily goes out at least once a week, and we eat well.
What else could we try? Are there any specific foods?

OP posts:
sammysam · 29/01/2008 08:31

Please-does anyone have any ideas?

OP posts:
sdr · 29/01/2008 12:53

Your local health shop (an independent one, not one of the chains) can help with food ideas and supplements.

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