I divorced 12 years ago and was pretty much single for that time. Life is always busy working, studying with dcs too. I did want to meet someone but just didn't until...I met some at work. He was 14 years younger but after lots of thought decided to go on some dates. It lasted 18 months. I have posted here before as I questioned the age, the differences between us and my doubts. He lived at home, didn't drive, spent time here but because I was so busy I couldn't commit to anything more than 2 times a week. I encouraged him to find hobbies etc, encouraged him to save for his own place. He was very kind and made little gestures and age was never a concern for him. It was for myself. I tried so hard to shift that feeling of doubt. He told me I was his everything and pretty much made me feel loved again. He got back in contact with his old school friend who was newly single. He started spending a lot of time with him out drinking. He said that I was always busy and he needed something else. I agreed he did.
Anyway, it ended and I was absolutely fine. Until recently. I reached out to him in a time of need. I don't have anyone to talk to and my job is difficult and my dd is struggling at school. It all felt like too much. I started to think I had made a mistake ending things with him. All I could think about was the good. He told me he has been out drinking every night, sometimes gets an hours sleep then goes to work. He got into a fight with his friend over his friends ex. He says it's way of handling the loss of me. In a desperate state, and in need of someone to talk with. I asked to meet with him and told him I felt I had made a mistake. He said he was meeting his friend to make up with him. He said he thought it was over, he can't be the caring guy he once was. I couldn't give him my time and he now has a life outside of me. He won't be a love sick puppy at home waiting for me. I would invite him over twice a week and cook. He didn't drive so I drove everywhere. My job is heavy and lots of driving. I felt I tried but did feel I couldn't give him what he wanted. He said he wanted 24/7.
My gp has signed me off work. I am taking the dcs to school and going to bed. I can't eat. I have literally broken down this morning. Why do I keep thinking I have made a mistake. Why do I feel so hurt? It's so extreme that I feel I will never get over this. I don't want to be at home or in work.