Friendship is over feeling sad

[HaveYou]

I have lost a friendship tonight. Over a relatively small issue but definitely a straw that broke the camels back situation. I stood up for myself on something which had upset me and the response I got was just self centered and blamed me. The worst part is I like to say I couldn't believe it but actually it was the response I was expecting and with that I'm done. I just feel sad and empty.

Is this a male female friendship ?

What's was it about? Do you lose a lot of friendships?

🌸

Yes it was a male female friendship. We've been friends for many years but we've both changed though time.

No I don't lose friends easily. Like most people I have my great friends I see often and speak to the most and then I have friends I see every now and then for kids parties etc.

It was over an event that got cancelled which was no one's fault.

So it's a relationship fallout.

No because we're friends

Sorry to hear this OP and sorry for PPs responses. It doesn't matter whether your friend is male or female or whether you lose friends often (not that I think you do), you're mourning the loss of a friendship and pp are deflecting.

Do you think this is the end of the road or is there any way back given you said it was minor?

Gawd OP's reaching out & PP want to know stuff that bears no relevance.

Hope you're ok OP. Sounds like it was the right decision and in time it'll get easier.

Been there OP and cried most days for six weeks. I just reminded myself that until I cut all ties, I was going to be compromising and losing a bit of myself. I did still miss my friend for a very long time afterwards. You’ve done the right thing. Be gentle with yourself for a while.

Thank you for your kind responses. I honestly don't know if it can be salvaged to what it was.

It has been getting this way over the last two years and I just can't take it any more. I just want my fun friend back but I don't think he is there any more.

I can understand what you are going through, after ending a very long platonic friendship.

Friendships are meant to be reciprocal, but everything gradually became all about him. I eventually stood up for myself, and called a halt.

It's very hard, especially if that person's been in your life for such a long time, but we all deserve the respect we try and treat other people with.

After the sadness had subsided, I realised it had actually left me with more respect for myself.

I had a male/female friendship end two years ago.

It's been 18 months since we had any contact, and I haven't seen him since it ended.
Though our friendship wasn't strictly platonic, that's not why I decided to 'finish it'.

As much as he could be a amazing, and really was my best friend; he truly let me down and was incredibly selfish with actions - it was finally enough to say; 'is this guy really my friend? Or just my friend when it suits him?'

I couldn't carry on with that pattern. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. I was very mentally unwell at the time, and felt incredibly lonely. I felt so conflicted to let go of someone I had felt so close to. When I had never felt more on my own.

It has taken me a very long time to feel like I'm anywhere near moving on. I still feel a great amount of sadness with regards to that loss. I accept, I probably always will do.

Sorry I'm musing, but I just wanted to say I hope you know you're not alone in feeling how you are now.

@duacheapa thank you for this. It really has helped me feel that I'm not just crazy.

Is something going on in his life that makes him no longer a fun friend?

I think people tend to think ending romantic relationships are the only tough and painful ending we go through but friendships ending are so painful.

I have a good friend who has let me down and I cant quite believe she did so, but it is so devastating. So I understand your pain OP and it will get easier with time.

So sorry. Something similar happened to be recently. I did another friend a big favour (that no one else was prepared to do) and they teased me about the way I did it. It was daily teasing and snide comments. When it was done, I said that they hurt me with their comments and I was doing the best I could. Then I got some abusive texts. I usually let comments etc go and just get on with things which I think is the issue, I didn't even say anything nasty just that i wasn't feeling great about the comments and was glad it was done and all was well.

Chin up. It will get better, I think it shows the relationship was one sided and you're better off without him in your life. But I totally get it. Awful feeling.

It's like a bereavement of sorts op when a good long term friendship ends. Give yourself time to adjust to the situation. Don't be tempted to backtrack otherwise you'll be annoyed with yourself for compromising your morals. I ended a 30 year friendship after several years of her being passive aggressive and then something happened and I had just had enough. I ended the friendship, it was my decision, I was happy with my decision but it still took about 2 years for me to completely get over it. That was 11 years ago and I still occasionally feel the odd pang of sadness that all those years are lost but I absolutely know it was the right thing to do.

There have been things going on in both of our lives over the last few years. We have both been mindful of that to each other. However, it's sliding and it is no longer balanced.

To be honest this feels worse than the last break up I went through.

HaveYou this sounds very similar to the end of my friendship. As I said earlier; it's taken a very long time to move on from.
I have neither felt a pain like it, not even from a breakup.
It baffles me sometimes, but I guess it's just reflective on how important that relationship was to me.

I do get it.

All fallouts with friends are relationship fallouts. Ignore the poster above who is trying to imply something here 🙄

However, I do find that m/f friendships can operate with the dynamic that the man presumes he is the authority and any challenge to that is not responded to well.

Some men are in m/f friendships because they hope that it might become more (usualy sex rather than romance) one day and/or perceive their friend to be less troublesome than other women (because we tend to tolerate more from a friend than we would a partner) and maybe you've just shown yourself to he like "all the other women" by not recognising his authority.

It's hurtful when these things happen but I've lost a fair few friends (m and f) over the past few years just by having boundaries and making decisions for myself that don't suit others.

Fuck 'em.

It was over an event that got cancelled which was no one's fault

Can't it be re booked.
Sounds harsh ending a friendship if the event could be re planned.

Or was it cancelled by one or the other.