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Relationships

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Help or abandon ship?

11 replies

BisonGrassVodka · 26/10/2022 00:00

Hi all, I started seeing someone new 4-5 weeks ago, we met online and due to timings, we've not really had the chance to see each other as often as we could and should, so far it's been 4 times, but never been intimate. On Sunday, I unexpectedly got some free time, so called her, she was free too, so we agreed to meet. I drove an hour to see her and went into her house, I went to kiss her and she turned away, I was baffled why, but said nothing. We had a coffee and she said, "can I have a cuddle"? I stood up and went to give her a cuddle, but she turned her back on me so I could cuddle her from behind and put my hands around her waist, I decided to ask if there was a problem or an issue, she said, "I don't know if I trust you or not", when I asked what do you mean, she replied, "just that, I'm not sure if it trust you or not". I said, "OK, is there anything I can do to give you peace of mind or assure you that I'm a normal honest guy"? She looked at me and said, "I don't know, what am I supposed to know"?
This had me very puzzled and I was starting to feel like I wasn't welcome, I stayed for a little while, trying to talk to her and find out why she was behaving in the way she was. I asked if I'd said or done something she didn't like, she shook her head, so I asked her why she won't kiss me, there was a long pause and she eventually replied, "I don't like kissing"! I was stunned, I love kissing and can spend hour upon hour kissing, it's such a loving and passionate method of communication. I grabbed my jacket and started heading to the door, I was thinking to myself, "am I a fool for wanting to stay here or should I just give up and move on"? She was right behind me and said, "where are you going"? I replied, I'm going home, I don't think you know what you want, are afraid of something, if it's me, I don't know why, but I've done nothing to upset, scare or cause you concern, if you want help ask, but at the moment I've no idea as to what the problem is, you know where I am if you want to talk.
So far she's not contacted me, so I've come to the conclusion she's not interested, however she might need help and be suffering from some sort of breakdown, so I feel inclined to want to help, should I offer assistance or just stay well away and let her get on?

OP posts:
EmmaH2022 · 26/10/2022 00:08
  1. you don't know her. If she is having a breakdown, why would you want to get involved?

  2. you don't know her - she could be horrible.

  3. you love kissing, she doesn't. I couldn't be with someone who didn't like kissing but that's just me.

JestersTear · 26/10/2022 00:18

So she said she doesn't like kissing, and your response was to leave.
That sends her a strong message: you're done, to be fair.

EmmaH2022 · 26/10/2022 01:15

JestersTear · 26/10/2022 00:18

So she said she doesn't like kissing, and your response was to leave.
That sends her a strong message: you're done, to be fair.

There was a lot of weirdness before that though.

I can't see any reason why you might think she's having a breakdown though, OP.

Aquamarine1029 · 26/10/2022 01:26

You're not a rehab centre for damaged people. You have dodged a massive bullet and you should be thankful for it. Block and move on.

Weatherwax13 · 26/10/2022 01:28

I wouldn't pursue this in any way, shape or form.

MrsTerryPratchett · 26/10/2022 01:31

She sounds trauma-impacted. That's a lot of work. I wouldn't.

9HrsSleep · 26/10/2022 03:17

This would be a very complicated relationship with her setting rules that would constantly change. You'd be walking on eggshells. You've done the right thing. She's not your responsibility to fix, and you don't even know what you'd be trying to fix! Keep that door closed that door and move on.

Justcallmebebes · 26/10/2022 06:58

I vote for abandon ship

Poppyblush · 26/10/2022 07:39

Overboard now!

BisonGrassVodka · 26/10/2022 09:37

Thank you all for the supportive messages, after a sleepless night and your suggestions, I've decided I'm gone. I've been through way more than my fair share of stress in life and having more heaped on me isn't going to do me any favours or be good for my head.

Thank you.

OP posts:
Andypandy799 · 26/10/2022 14:52

@BisonGrassVodka you’ve made the right choice

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