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Original poster

Is it time to give up

7 replies

giffyp · 25/10/2022 17:15

I’ve been seeing my partner for 3 and a half years we both have older children living at home and live in different houses 2 miles apart I’ve wanted us to merge together at some point but although he always says it will happen at some point but refuses to put a time on it he does love me and want to be with me but I think he wants me to be there for him but not have any responsibility for me, best of both worlds kind of thing…… he is very selfish, I’m in my late forties and I’d like to think I could find someone to share my life with not be lonely in a relationship, is it time to accept it won’t change?

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 25/10/2022 17:21

I live separately from my dp and tbh it's unlikely ever to change due to my family responsibilities. Although I enjoy living apart, and you obviously don't. It's not obligatory to live with a partner, OP. It's a possible option but there are other ways. However, you're not too old to find someone different. It doesn't sound as though this one is ever going to want the same as you. Why not just have a talk with him?

KangarooKenny · 25/10/2022 17:25

Personally, I’d never live with a man again. But you obviously do want that. I think you need to decide if it’s a deal breaker, if you’d really split up with a person you love because he won’t live with you.

WatieKatie · 25/10/2022 17:37

I’m with @KangarooKenny however if your goal is to live with someone, 3.5 yrs is quite long enough for you both to know what you want from the relationship.

Personally I would have a very honest conversation and ask what he wants from the relationship both now and in the future. I suspect that your arrangement suits him therefore your needs aren’t taken into consideration. You may have to decide whether this is a deal breaker and if so end things.

AlternativelyWired · 25/10/2022 17:42

It sounds like you aren't on the same page. What would be the benefits of merging your lives as opposed to continuing as you are? How old are all the dc?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 25/10/2022 18:20

Don't settle for this relationship with such a selfish man out of feeling lonely, you can do better than he. I would think he'd have all the answers and or otherwise try to bamboozle you further if you were to talk to him. You're only in your late 40s too so not old and it's never too late to start over.

Better to be on your own too than to be badly accompanied.

Original poster
giffyp · 25/10/2022 18:57

Well ended was the only way, I’m going to feel lost for a while but I think I knew in my heart I was just being used

OP posts:
pinkolu · 25/10/2022 19:18

You say you don't think he wants to be responsible for you....what do you mean by that? Financially? Doing your housework? You not working?

I don't live with my dp as it's a new relationship but if we ever moved in together in the future I wouldn't see myself as being responsible for him. If I felt he thought I should be responsible for him, id run a mile. Is this maybe why he's reluctant?

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