Women's Aid Referral - making me panic

[nameforthis]

I had an appointment last week with a mental health advisor at my GP surgery. He has referred me to Women's Aid and I just feel very confused and stressed about it at the moment.

Context - relationship with DH is a source of stress because he has these moods and in them he calls me names, swears at me, tells me I am useless, and has threatened to cut me and the kids off financially. Not in these moods, he can be very kind and we parent together pretty well. I walk on egg shells a lot of the time and feel exhausted by it. He is the main earner and I worry about finances if I were to go. Sometimes I feel I have to go sometimes I feel I can stay and I am not sure I have the capacity to function very well without him.

I just feel very confused and overwhelmed at the moment. And kind of guilty and like I am being dramatic. I don't know. If I had better boundaries and spoke up for myself more - or something - I just don't know. I am very conflict-averse and tend to shut down when he gets like that.

They are going to call me on Thursday. What if I am wasting their time? What if I stay? What if it can be sorted out? Would I even know if that was possible? Why am I so all over the place?!

Is it possible that the woman you spoke to wasn't actually unsure of what she was doing but was being very careful to assume nothing and let you tell your story?

Alternative ways of communicating might be an online chat (although I don't know if you can do that with a specific staff member) or going to Boots and asking for Ani, they'll provide a private room to ring from.

I think I was just thrown by waiting for the call at a certain time and then it not coming and then talking to someone different who didn't seem to know what I had already said. I was very nervous about it all though so was jittery anyway. They are going to get in touch next week so I shall see if I can meet face-to-face. I have heard of that book - I will see if I can get a copy. The whole thing is just very disorientating. Sometimes I think I am just making a fuss and then other times I get a bit of a fright when I remember things or when I answered some of the questions and I think maybe it is worse than I think. The woman was most likely fine, I think it is my head that is all over the place at the moment.

Yes it would be worth reading that, or a Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven.

This is an excellent book, Pat Cravan does the freedom programme. It’s really useful.

If it's like my experience, my first contact with WA was to find out if I was in immediate danger and to then assess the best route to help me.

As I had managed to get him to leave by then, and then Covid, moving house with a change of region, I am just about to start my Freedom Programme in November.

I know it is a scary and anxious time. The abuse causes these feelings to prevent you from leaving. Try and remember how it was to not feel this way, no walking on eggshells, no tantrums or silent treatment, being able to speak freely without repercussions. This is how you should be living. You deserve so much better. Go live your life in peace and free from fear. You can do this.