Have I made a mistake

[whatamido]

I met and guy, we are both single have become very good friends, talk daily deep conversations, loads in common and spend lots of time together. BUT he isn't ready for a relationship so I cut him off because I have feelings for him and I do not want to get friend zoned.

Now I regret it, I think I've probably hurt his feelings. I've reached out but nothing.

I feel terribly sad and I can't sleep .. have I made a mistake?

FWIW it doesn't sound like you've made a mistake, to have feelings for someone and not have them returned, but to keep that person in your life is torture. Maybe in some subconscious way you hoped doing this would encourage him to realise that he does have feelings for you. He probably is hurt, but it sounds like purely on a friend level. You've reached out because you don't really want to lose him, but your head is being sensible by letting him go. Sounds like you have an internal struggle going on. I think you've made the right choice, for your own sanity, but I realise just how difficult it can be

No I think you did the right thing.

Does he know that you want a relationship with him? If he knows and has rejected you on the basis that he is not ready for a relationship then you have done the right thing and whether he is hurt or not is immaterial.

If you were friends and you just dropped him without any explanation and he was unaware of your feelings then I think you owe him an explanation.

But TBH men tend to be quite robust over such matters; I'm sure he's fine and you should be concentrating on yourself rather than what he might or might not be feeling.

Your first instinct was right. Hard, but right.

Yes he is aware, tbh he is the one that pointed out my emotions and how he doesn't want anything to deep and I am not built for "friends with benefits".

Then stated again he isn't ready for a relationship so I made the decision to cut ties.

Yes you've done the right thing. Acting out a friendship with him would be turmoil.

I suspect he might reach out soon and offer hope that he's had a change of heart, I would be very cautious about accepting that too.

Sorry , but he's made himself very clear.

He was probably hoping for a shag. Dump and run.

I think i must be a terrible judge of character because it's amazing the lengths some men will go to for just sex.

Until he obviously realised I would have been to complicated.

I do not want to get friend zoned

What does this mean?

I didn't want to end up being his friend. With no chance of being anything more!

OK, well, given that he's plainly stated that he wants friendship or nothing with you, then how could you have done the wrong thing, given that you don't want friendship?

Sorry I don't understand this statement!

He didn't say that, I removed myself for a situation because I have feelings that are not reciprocated.

You haven’t done the wrong thing at all. You don’t want FWB or even just friends. That’s ok.

the problem with just staying friends is that somewhere deep down, you will be looking for signs it’s more.

Its ok to know FWB isn’t for you either. So many people know it’s not for them and go with it anyway, secretly hoping for more and end up very hurt. It suits some people, that’s fine for them. It doesn’t suit everybody, especially where there’s feelings and that’s fine too.

Okay I've just re read and I understand..

He didn't give the ultimatum tho I made the choice and it hurt me because I really do enjoy his company and i thought we had potential.. but now I think i have done the right thing

Stop dramatising. There's no mention of an ultimatum. You told him what you wanted, and he said no, so you were wrong about potential. That's it. It hurts, but it's not like you were in a relationship that ended. Get on with life, rather than turning over non existent options involving him.

Wow this is a little harsh, I simply commented on the way you wrote that statement.

You made the right decision.

It wasn’t a genuine friendship, if it was he’d have replied to your latest message.

Any adult man who is single but “not ready for a relationship” is either a total weirdo, or more likely, looking to shag around without fidelity. Best avoided in any case.

The overwhelming opinion is that you’ve done the right thing OP. Draw a line under it and move on.

I wonder if the not ready for a relationship is being used as a gentle let down as he doesn’t see you as more than friends?

Remaining friends will only bring you heartbreak further down the line.

Nah you've the right thing. To be fair, soHe's been honest and clear and not kept you around for ego-inflation or possible sex.

Oops! Posted too soon but you get the drift. It wouldn't have been fun hanging on wanting more. This way you'll move on quicker and meet someone who is interested.

Any adult man who is single but “not ready for a relationship” is either a total weirdo, or more likely, looking to shag around without fidelity. Best avoided in any case.

It's hard to accept that a functioning, thinking adult has an opinion like this

You did the right thing.
I'm sure it hurts because you did grow fond of him, he gave you nothing in return.
Now he's giving you silence.

Save your love and kindness for Somone who deserves it.
To often men expect us to do all the emotional heavy lifting , they drain us to feed their vanity and offer crumbs in return.

Your image of him in your fantasy is not who he really is.

Any adult man who is single but “not ready for a relationship” is either a total weirdo, or more likely, looking to shag around without fidelity. Best avoided in any case

All adult men are entitled, like every adult woman, to decide for themselves, without judgement, whether they are ready for a relationship or not. You, @Unseelie are entitled to your opinion, but it says a lot more about you than it does about OP's friend, or anyone else.

Thank you all!