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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Long term relationship... break up?

6 replies

Queenbee2019 · 24/10/2022 23:37

Hi All,

It's been a long time since I've looked for advice on here, so please be kind.

A few weeks ago my long term bf of over 10 years sprung upon me that he wasn't feeling the same way anymore and thinks we should no longer be together.

We had became a bit more distant the last few months but I put it down to work load and the stress of parent hood etc.

There been no arguments, disagreements etc. We have one child together And he has one from previous relationship.

We agreed to try and make an effort to go on a few more date nights etc See if we can start to feel a bit more 'normal' but it's not helping.

Long story short I'm head over heels still in love with him and cannot imagine my life without him, I moved my life away from family and friends to be with him all those years ago and now he stays he doesn't want to be with me.

It's a major blow I've not stopped crying I can't imagine moving back to where my family is and cause that upset to my child and then I can't see staying and not being with him

I feel like he's given up too easy everyone goes through spells and this is honestly our first spell of feeling drifting apart and our time together and family is worth the fight.

Do we try to rebuild the relationship?

I have no idea how to even respond to him.

OP posts:
Chickenpeppers · 25/10/2022 01:31

At least he appears to have been honest with you instead of continuing the relationship whilst being miserable. Ultimately if he isn't happy and it is what he wants, ending the relationship is the best option, trying to force things won't improve the situation and is likely to make matters worse.
Maybe you could try to figure out what changed or just sit down a have a long chat about what happens next.

Queenbee2019 · 25/10/2022 09:27

Your right least he's being honest,

I just feel like 10 + years isn't worth giving up on so easy.. not sure what the next steps are. I'm broken that he he feels this way.

OP posts:
LeningradSymphony · 25/10/2022 10:02

This may seem rash to you but it'll have been brewing for quite a long time for him.

The best thing you can do here is a 180. Either it makes you more desirable and you manage to repair things, or you will be in a stronger position to move forward as solo coparents.

beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/

autumn1610 · 14/03/2023 19:05

@Queenbee2019 if you don’t mind me asking how has this gone for you? I’m in the exact same position. My heart hurts right now and can’t see how to get through it. I’m so upset he doesn’t want to try

Suetcrust · 14/03/2023 19:13

beingabeautifulmess.wordpress.com/the-180/
This is fabulous advice.
Everyone should read this if they need to.

Ccjp · 27/03/2023 21:25

Hey jumping on first post I can find as hoping for a speedy response ...
In need of advise
14 year relationship
Gaslight
Finally at a point I can say OK I accept what your saying but I cant be with you if that's the case
... and no I don't want an explanation as to why my feelings are wrong .... anyways .... when he's turned on the emptional tap I've stood my ground and told him these are consequences of your own choices .... and they are he's know exactly what to do and hasn't.... and now he's said OK then I'm sorry ill go tomorrow I have an urge yo scream and fight not for him but because I want him to want to explain himself I want him to be on his knees not just accept his fate I mean he probably won't leave however how do I fight the urge to fight for him to fight for me ?

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