Silly humour or red flag?

[Samibgton]

Chatting to new friend, seems normal, progressive and educated. We were talking about holiday destinations and mentioned mutual interest in some far flung places. Friend said Central America was dangerous and they had little interest in travelling to Argentina for example, just didn’t massively appeal. Then said “full of argies too!” With a joking emoji. Is this just silliness or a bit, well, racist?

I would think it’s just a silly way to round off the convo

Thanks. I’m not white myself and always a little sensitive to perceived vibes from someone else

I'd say that was racist.

According to Collins dictionary it’s a derogatory word, so yes it is racist

oh I see
well for me I’d just think it was a silly joke (tbh not one I’d find funny but like stupid lad humour)
but if it offended you then maybe your humours don’t match? I don’t mean that in a shitty way but laughing together is super important
if you don’t find him funny, off with his head!

I am guessing they meant it as a joke, or do you really feel they are racist against Argentinians.? If you do then end the friendship, end it anyway. As even if a joke you don’t have the same sense of humour.

In all honesty normally I find him hilarious and like him. I’m just super sensitive to any kind of perceived xenophobia. In a couple of months of knowing him he doesn’t seem like that at all but like I said, I’m sensitive!

Just sounds like a silly joke to me.

Last time I checked, Argentinian wasn’t a race. So they’re not being racist. However, it is an offensive slang term for someone from Argentina.

Zenophobic not racist

I thought race was any circumscribed group of people, whether defined by physical attributes, nationality, geography, beliefs etc ?

Then said “full of argies too!” With a joking emoji.

The joking emoji doesn't make it funny.
It's the kind of thing people who read The Sun would say when Thatcher went to war over the Falklands. Is he old enough to remember that?

Either way, he sounds like the type who would find The Sun's "gotcha" headline about 1200 Argentinian servicemen being blown up amusing & in excellent taste.

You might want to give him the benefit of the doubt, but keep a wary eye open for any further xenophobic tendencies?

I think Kettricken has it.
Xenophobic Brit comment about people who were perceived as 'enemy' at one time.

Only thing I'm wondering, if it would seem very out of character for him to be xenophobic, could it be football related if he's a fan? I honestly barely know the first thing about footie but understand Argentina are a good team. Have they beaten England (or his team) spectacularly at some point?

Yes huge football fan. Do you think I should say anything when I see him, like make a joke about it? I did say at the time it sounded like he was a Thatcherite which he found amusing. He’s definitely not, only in his 20s and seems normal / progressive which is why it is so out of character

I would not find this funny in any way and it would put me off. I would read it as a xenophobic comment.

Artygirl this is my fear altho we have seen each other maybe 6/7 times and messaged constantly for 2 months and he’s never said anything like this before. Some of my friends are from different cultures as am I (plus his sister sctually speaks fluent Spanish / studied there and he visits her often) which makes me think it’s unlikely

I wouldn't like it either op. I've got zero tolerance for any racism and xenophobia- especially the jokey kind. - that's just a way of getting away with it in my view.

If you otherwise like him and get on, I'd bring it up with him. Tell him it made you uncomfortable. Don't minimise yourself by calling yourself sensitive. T

Posts too soon.
It's OK to have boundaries and expectations around relationships, that doesn't make you sensitive, it makes you safe. You'd be wise to listen to these feelings and not compromise on them for the sake of any man (I talk from bitter experience)

So maybe it's nothing more than an unfortunate one-off, or some awkward attempt to be funny, which misfired. But well done for keeping your eyes open & not instantly brushing off your negative thought because you don't want to feel that way about a hopeful prospect.

Just relax about it, you'll soon know if he makes these remarks habitually out of any sense of superiority/xenophobia, or if he's sound.

I'd think it's more a reference to the fact that we were at war against Argentina in living memory. A war that involved many casualties. If you come from a background involving or know people, in the services, it's still very painful. Not racist, more political. I wouldn't want to go to Argentina because I don't think I'd be welcome there.

Nobody can tell you whether it's a red flag for you, OP. We all have different sensitivities. If you don't like it when people say things like that, then you don't like it. There isn't a list of 'what is and isn't a red flag'; it's an opinion, so you need to have your own, rather than listen to anybody else's. Even if everyone else said it was fine, it still made you feel unpleasant, and you're the person who matters here. Yours is the opinion that counts; none of us are trying to be friends with him, and none of us care if he's racist.

Watchkeys yeah I get that, I’m just trying to decide whether it’s a flippant remark that didn’t come over well over message or indicative of something deeper. Hence the straw poll. Any kind of racism is a huge issue for me and I wouldn’t be friends with someone who displayed tendencies like that.

We can't know what he meant. You need to ask him.

Looks like it's a joke which has got you questioning just how progressive and educated he really is.

Throw into a conversation how annoying it is that wokes are everywhere nowadays and cancelling free speech and see how he responds!
Probably entrapment , but at least you'll have a better insight.