Why is he being so nice?

[Lindbergherette]

Been on a few dates with new man, he’s being lovely and it’s making me start to fall for him. He was so attentive when I stayed at his (last date) and checked in on me all night / cuddled me to sleep. Seemed very loving, I’ve never really had this before. His other qualities are great too. We were talking about what we’d do when he next stayed around and our favourite part of the evening (tmi) and he said it was when he did oral on me. Sorry for tmi but I’ve never had this before, is he for real? What’s the catch?!

Some men are just nice. I know it's hard to believe when you haven't experienced it before. Just enjoy it. Don't let your guard down too fast but relax a little!

Exactly what @girlmom21 said :)

Thank you!! How can I not let my guard down too fast? I’m naturally suspicious but also trusting which is an odd combo. So far I’ve gone with the motto of hope for the best, expect the worst…!

Just don't move too fast and don't ignore anything that makes you uncomfortable. If there's a red flag don't ignore it just because everything else is perfect. A red flag is still a red flag. But don't push him away or distrust him if you have no reason to.

Your motto sounds good!

It's not about 'having your guard up'. Just stay aware that first impressions aren't everything, and you don't know enough about him yet (or for a long while) to know whether he's the right person for you. Allow him to stay in your life as long as you're happy around him, and you're getting what you want and need from the relationship.

It doesn't matter why he does things. No need to psychoanalyse him. Just keep an eye on yourself, and respond to positive and negative feelings appropriately.

This.

That's a good motto.

The suspicious old woman in me would be a bit🤔at his answer.

Watch out for love bombing and mirroring, and listen carefully to your gut always.

Best of luck.

Thanks billy, yeah I agree with you. It seems a bit weird? Why would he be so into that? As I say, he’s been loving and attentive to date, we’ve seen each other maybe 6 times over 5 weeks. It’s still early days but we message every day too. I just feel paranoid that he’s not for real, like who says that! Seems a bit rehearsed almost or like he’s telling me what he thinks i want to hear

OK well your update changes things. If it genuinely feels like: 'I'm being told what I want to here' as opposed to working it might be the case then - trust your bloody gut woman!

If something feels disingenuous- it's because it is. Always.

90% of our communication is non verbal. We read body/eye contact and even hormone ques from other ppl all the time. Without even realising we are doing it.

So IF it feels disingenuous, it IS.

*hear
*worrying not working

Sorry I should have been clearer! Gut feel is all good. Agree that non-verbal clues are very powerful but I don’t think there is anything to worry about there, he seems genuine in real life. I’m anxious by nature though so when the poster above said she didn’t buy it, it made me nervous

Some men do actually care about pleasing a woman sexually, they’re not all just wham bam thank you mam :p

He's on his best behaviour. Some men are just nice though and I think the part about him going down on you was probably genuine as a lot of men love doing it and giving pleasure to their woman. Just go with your gut though, it's always right.

Some men like to please a partner as they can mentally be like yeah I did that.
Also some people like oral, I love going down on my partner - I like their reaction.

Time is the only thing that will tell re the general niceness.

Re the oral, one of the most surprising things about UK punting reviews is the number of men who do what they call "reverse oral" to the prostitutes i.e. reverse because the default is oral on the customer.

They are literally paying for sex and can, to some extent, choose sex acts and they choose to perform oral on women as part of it.

So clearly some men like/are aroused by doing oral in women.
I have chatted to a couple irl who do too.

This.

Your gut is telling you this isn't sincere and I find his answer very weird.

He might enjoy pleasuring a woman but the best part of his evening with you?

Nope....I actually think his answer is a bit creepy and Icky...but maybe its my age.🤷🏻‍♀️

Anytime you feel a bit confused, off balance, unsure, questioning.....that is all your gut, gently telling you to look deeper, look and think about something for longer.
It can be fleeting, but it is NEVER wrong.

Listen to your gut.

Well done for being suspicious, its a good way to be.
You are far less likely to be messed around when you are.