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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Family

3 replies

Newmum4255 · 24/10/2022 12:27

realising more and more as I’ve gotten older and had children of my own that my family is toxic. I’ve never known my father, my mother has literally never spoken of him to my sisters or me. We don’t know his name, if he’s still alive even. My mother had us in her teenage years and my maternal grandparents took over a lot of the parenting. My mum met her long term boyfriend when we were in primary school. He was a drug addict, we moved houses quite a bit and had no boundaries. I mean none, no curfew, no supervision. Mum liked to drink a lot, had parties while children were in bed. I remember the night before my alevels, she came home drunk, woke the house up and didn’t even realise I had exams. Fast forward to today - I’m in a professional job - don’t drink much - have children who I am always there for - don’t like partying into the night - they have never seen me drunk etc. Tbh I am probably too much the other way but it is what I feel comfortable with. Mum and sisters (many of my sisters still like to drink a lot - will have mum look after their children whilst they drink downstairs etc) think I’m stuck up, a bore. I have always taken it on the chin but as I’ve had children of my own, I’ve started to realise how messed up it all is.
Do I just keep going on, ignoring the suggested ideas that I’m a fun sponge etc…

OP posts:
Toomanysleepycats · 24/10/2022 12:45

No, I had a shit mother too. I remember revising for my A levels in my room and next door were having a BBQ and her coming in (a bit tipsy) to tell me not to be boring and forget the books and come and enjoy the bbq. Thanks mum.

No, you be who you are. If you really care I suppose you could try and rephrase your refusals to join in more sympathetically. But to be honest you shouldn’t have to. Just remember a drunk never likes to drink alone, so they are only trying to make you feel bad, so they can feel better about themselves.

KettrickenSmiled · 24/10/2022 17:13

Fast forward to today - I’m in a professional job - don’t drink much - have children who I am always there for - don’t like partying into the night - they have never seen me drunk etc. Tbh I am probably too much the other way but it is what I feel comfortable with. Mum and sisters (many of my sisters still like to drink a lot - will have mum look after their children whilst they drink downstairs etc) think I’m stuck up, a bore. I have always taken it on the chin but as I’ve had children of my own, I’ve started to realise how messed up it all is.
Why would you say you are "too much the other way"?
You are exactly the way you want to be. Keep doing you!

Do I just keep going on, ignoring the suggested ideas that I’m a fun sponge etc…
Yes, your relatives are scapegoating you for being different from them.
They are probably deeply aware that your life choices have earned you a professional job & maybe it makes them feel better about their own parenting choices & alcohol use.

deenel · 29/12/2022 17:03

How about the so called crap mums don't get persecuted, some never had a role model, some were just getting there and sometimes life don't play ball, some loved there kids more than themselves and didn't have the tools to negotiate life xxx

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