Help with router history please

[Ducksinarowfor2023]

Hi, I posted this in chat but think I may be better to off here. Thank you….

Hello everyone
i have been reading advice on mumsnet for a couple of years and have learnt a great deal, this is my first post as I’d really like some specific help please.

i think my husband has been seeing escorts and people from hook up sites. I found history of his searches a couple of years ago. He did a number on me, which I now know is gaslighting, and followed what I now know to be the script.

He’s sorry, he didn’t follow it through, he hasn’t looked since, I needed to get over it as I was becoming a bit unhinged.

So on the surface I have got over it.
But only until next year when my boys finish their a levels then I’m off. Im getting my ducks in a row. Got a job, have saved money, have access to all info I will need for a divorce.

what sticks in my throat is he thinks he’s so fucking clever. I know that he’s used all the places I found stuff to cover his tracks better. He’ laid low for a long time after discovery but he has just started deleting cookies, using a different search engine etc so I can’t see what he’s up to.

i know none of this matters now and that I already have reason enough to leave.

Before I go I want to show him recent searches and wipe that superior smug grin off his face. I think only people who have been through this cruel mental torture will understand my burning need to be validated.

the only place I have left to search now is the router history. I read about someone using ‘open dns’. I’ve tried but it doesn’t work. Can anyone help me with a way to look at websites that have been visited through my router please.

I’m strong, I’m ok, I’m delighted that he’s up to his old tricks before I go. Please help me deliver the perfect parting shot

The router has no history. This just isn't true. My advice?

You know what he is like. You are worth more. You deserve better. Don't lower yourself to his level. Walk away with your head held high,. don't play games at his level

You won’t find website history on your broadband router, most don’t work like that.

You would only find history on the browser

Yes you can view all websites visited whilst someone is connected to the Wi-Fi. It would not show If someone uses their mobile data to connect or a VPN. You can logon to the management console of all routers just Google your provider/router type and it will tell on how to do it. Usually it only shows IP addresses visited but you can use whatsmyip to identify what they are. If you have sky it is very detailed and shows domain name.

If it's a BT router then I think you're out of luck OP but I completely understand your need to feel validated.
So you believe he's still visiting those sites via your home devices? What makes you think that?

I should imagine Sky is going to be unindated today 😂

Your best parting shot re such a man is to leave him (would also urge you to start making the break now rather than next year post their exams) and live well with your boys without him.

Your h will call you mad, will deny everything and gaslight you even more if you present him with any details of the websites he has visited. It’s a complete waste of time and effort

Don’t stay with your cheat another year because of your kids and their exams, they will not say thanks mum to you for doing that. They likely know far more than either of you care to realise about the state of their parent’s marriage.

I used to think that confronting them with evidence was important but it's worth considering that just walking away from him for no other reason than you don't want to be with him any more can be equally or even more devastating for him.

I think you just saying "I don't have feelings for you any more, and I want a divorce" would hit him harder. He thinks he's showing you his best self and it's still not sufficient to make him happy. That's a power move on your part I think.

Sorry - typo:
He thinks he's showing you his best self and it's still not sufficient to make you happy. That's a power move on your part I think.

Open dns most definitely does work but you have to know how to get in to and adjust your router at the back end - and they have to be using wifi in the house and not their mobile data - it shows an awful lot of everything including trackers, adverts etc but will give you a good idea of what sort of sites they are frequenting- although not the actual pages within those sites.

Thank you so much for the replies
@BrokenWoman74 it is sky so I will give that a go thank you.
I don’t have the option to leave before next June as that is when I fully qualify for my new job and will get a big pay increase. I want to be able to support myself, he is so used to me relying on him that it will mean a lot to me not to have to rely on his support.
Yes I do think he is up to something as he is going to great lengths to hide his search history. I don’t care but it would make me so happy to show him proof as my parting shot. Especially when he says I’m imagining it as he’s bound to.
Ive read a lot about narcissists on here, I can’t diagnose him but it’s opened my eyes to how he thinks how is smarter than me.

@ItsaMetalBand I have thought about just saying I don’t want to be with him. That would be very satisfying and is definitely what I will do when f I can’t fulfil my desire make him realise he’s not that clever
@Crikeyalmighty i didn’t mean to say open dns doesn’t work, just that I couldn’t get anywhere with it. From what you say I don’t think I’d know where to start. I’ll try the sky thing.
he works from home so everything he does will be on our wifi while im at work

Good for you op, it's so nice to see someone get their ducks in a row upon realising they are worth so much more than putting up with their ohs shitty behavior.
I wouldn't bother trying to get evidence, I'd hold my head up, look him in the eye "I know exactly what you have been up to, did you seriously think that deleting your browser history could really stop me from seeing what you've been doing, I'm not as stupid as you think and you're definitely not as clever as you think you are"
Leave him wondering how you've found out, how you managed to find his browser history.
Then leave, no explanation, no conversation.
Good luck in your new life

If he is using google on the home devices and is logged in, there is a way to check deleted seatch history. You click on his initials in the top right hand corner of the google home page.Then click on manage accounts. Under data and privacy is Web and App activity. Here you will see all google searches, even those that were deleted from the browser history. You can even type in key words such as escort.

Learnt this from mumsnet and finally got proof that my partner had been searching escorts for the last 5 years.

I don’t care but it would make me so happy to show him proof as my parting shot.

now OP, you can lie to us online, but lying to yourself? That's.. sad.

You most definitely do care. Unlike your Husband, who has clearly checked out

Take a page put of his book and start living your best single life today🍷