Scared to block

[woodencloud]

I have this weird thing surrounding blocking. I always assume if I block someone, then it'll make them angry and they'll retaliate or maybe they'll contact someone on any of my social media lists to contact me (which my friend has debunked, it would be very weird and make them look creepy).

I would love to know everyone's opinions on blocking, or even the silliest reason you've blocked someone so I know I need to get over this.

I always feel like I owe people something, and I really want to get over it.

For context - I got a few messages from an old fling who has multiple red flags. Should have blocked, just ignored but still didn't block.

How many times have you felt the need to block someone that it's developed into a "weird thing"?

If you don't want messages from an ex-fling with red flags - block him.
What's to feel guilty about?

As to fear of retaliation - this is vanishingly unlikely. Some weirdo's might try to circumvent the block because it bruised their ego - so what? You just message them ONCE to tell them to cut out their nonsense because their contact is 100% unwelcome. If they then persist, you go straight to the cops & have them warned off. Pestering somebody online who has clearly asked you, in writing, not tocontact them is a harassment offence, & the police will action it.

Why are you even giving them head space. Block them and move on. They only contact you because they can.

To answer your question - quite a lot. I always find a reason why I shouldn't, it's always something along the lines of -

• incase it upsets them
• incase it makes them angry and they try contact me another way
• incase I've ever said anything vulnerable to them and they decide to tell the whole world.

It's really silly reasons, but the reasons can't be that silly to me since I believe there's some truth to them at times. I had an ex partner, who was my first boyfriend 10 years ago back in the Facebook days when it became really popular and he would resort to either making new accounts to contact me, blackmailing or even messaging any men on my list that he thought had a "chance" with me. It was bizarre.

For context - the fling that's texted is someone who was in the army, and when I spoke to him more and more, I realised he 100% had many issues which I won't go into. I was actually worried if I cut him off or blocked, that he might harm himself. Do you see what I mean? It's not right, but this is how my brain works. It's awful.

• incase it upsets them
• incase it makes them angry and they try contact me another way
• incase I've ever said anything vulnerable to them and they decide to tell the whole world.

All of these are things that malicious people could choose to do to you ANYWAY - whether you allow them to stay in contact with you or not.

In fact, staying open to them increases the chances that they will decide to be malicious. The best bet to protect yourself is to remove yourself entirely from their orbit, & that means BLOCKING.

For context - the fling that's texted is someone who was in the army, and when I spoke to him more and more, I realised he 100% had many issues which I won't go into. I was actually worried if I cut him off or blocked, that he might harm himself. Do you see what I mean? It's not right, but this is how my brain works. It's awful.

You don't have a problem with blocking.
You have a problem with assertiveness, & putting your own needs first.

I'm not being dismissive here OP - your reference to this being how your brain works, & it feeling awful for you, is a clear indication that you need to work on this habit of undervaluing yourself.

Do yourself a favour & buy this book - it's an 'oldie but goodie'. Read it, & then find yourself a counsellor who can work through the reasons behind your lack of self-belief & give you strategies for valuing yourself & your time more strongly.
www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208

Please make that investment in yourself OP.
Most women have had to deal with pests at some point in their lives. You cannot continue letting it overshadow you like this. You deserve to put time into helping yourself get past it, so you can lead a more confident & self-actualising life.

Thank you so much. I've just bought the book now and will start it today!

It's crazy because I'm considered the blunt and assertive one out of all my friends, but when it comes to matters where I need those traits, they're completely banished. Nowhere to be seen. It's as if I'm a different person!

I always worry about people starting on me for no reason, so the idea of blocking someone and them maybe running to someone I'm connected with and making me out to be the bad guy is one of my worst phobias. Thank you so much again!

I've blocked a huge amount of people.
They NEVER retaliate.
Just don't be tempted to unblock, they normally have a little one sided tantrum in your inbox then they disappear forever!
Bliss.

It's crazy because I'm considered the blunt and assertive one out of all my friends, but when it comes to matters where I need those traits, they're completely banished. Nowhere to be seen. It's as if I'm a different person!
There you go then OP - you KNOW you have these skills, you simply need to practice using them in situations where you feel too challenged to be your usual self.

I always worry about people starting on me for no reason, so the idea of blocking someone and them maybe running to someone I'm connected with and making me out to be the bad guy is one of my worst phobias. Thank you so much again!
well ... that worry comes from somewhere. Which is why I feel your could usefully take it to a counsellor.
Also - once you begin to build genuine self-esteem, it is much easier to deal with other people's wrong opinions & spiteful behaviour. None of us like to feel our reputation is going to get trashed - but worrying about it before the event? No - that's an anxiety spiral.

You can get past this OP.
You've had a couple of bad experiences with prats who pestered you. Well done for ordering the assertiveness book - it will really help you. You cannot spend your life appeasing pests just because you are scared they will ... behave like pests. Anybody who knows you will know that the pest is just trash talking. Anybody who doesn;t know you, & chooses to believe an unhinged pest can get to fuck.

See? That's where 6 decades of assertiveness practice gets you
Keep on trucking OP, you will soon be able to lose this fear.

Oh, I just remembered one guy that made other accounts to carry on bothering me.

I screen shot his Facebook friend list and sent it to him. Told him that unless he made himself scarce I would copy and paste ALL of his rantings to his family and friends.
He blocked me. 🤣🤣🤣

Was this a guy who was interested in you romantically @Meseekslookatme ?! This is crazy! I swear when there's feelings involved they go absolutely mental..

He was!
He got creepy so I thanked him for his interest, wished him well and blocked.
He persisted I asked him not to.
In the end I threatened him with his friends and family.
The law is on your side now, don't be afraid to call out harassment

Why are their feelings more important than yours ?

Oooh so much this!!
high fives

You think an old fling really cares that much 😏 sorry but no.
ive blocked loads of people none have retaliated, the only one whose not given up is a family member but that’s totally different to an old fling!

1000% I'm dealing with some type of main character syndrome 😂I think I make out I'm more important in people's lives than I actually am! I always think it with old flings or tbh just men in general I have/have been romantically involved with.