Help with suspected affair - phones

[Liviadrusilla25]

By way of background I have been happily married for 16 years and have two children. Our marriage has always been full of love and we have generally been really close and had a good sex life.. I’m 46 and about 12 months ago I started having some peri menopause symptoms, brain fog, loss of libido and terrible PMT. I have been to see the gp and got some HRT patches and felt much better, but my libido never really came back properly..my husband has really complained about this, sometimes nicely, sometimes not nicely and has made a few hurtful comments about this being the worst year in our marriage etc. I have gone back quite hard on this, saying I have a medical problem and you need to support me. Anyway it’s undeniable that a lot of intimacy has gone at the moment. Anyway I’m posting tonight because three times in the last month I have been woken middle of the night by the light going on on my husbands phone and I’ve just lay there and watched him. He has very quick text messages with someone.. twice these episodes have lasted about 10 mins. He guards his phone a bit but I have managed to have a look and there is no record of these messages a few days later. I have looked for other messaging apps and he doesn’t seem to have any. Last week we were on holiday and my husband got up at 2am and went to the toilet with his phone. Came back 5 mins later. Read the paper on his phone for ten minutes and then messages started. I lay there and watched and saw that someone sent him a link on twitter and that it was from my son’s tennis club. He opened it and looked at it and then carried on messaging. At 4am I got up and put the aircon on at which point he took his phone to the toilet again and came back five minutes later. The messaging stopped. The next day he showed me the photo on twitter and I said to him, ‘who sent you that?’ He said he found it on twitter himself and he likes going on twitter now. He hates all social media and never goes on any. I looked at his phone again and I couldn’t find any messages, any photos or anything incriminating at all. He is a clever and I want evidence before I say anything. Can anyone give me any advice about what to look for on a phone apart from looking for telegram/ signal and scrolling through WhatsApp’s that are obviously being deleted??? I am cold with fury and my kids do not deserve this. I have supported this man through thick and thin.

Hi op. Sorry you are going through this first off.

I agree with others; some are very much brazen to do this in bed next to their partner.

Sadly I got good at all of this investigation work.

If you think it’s WhatsApp go to write a message and most frequently contacted people will show at the top of the page.

Also if he has an iPhone “pull down” on a locked screen and it will show you recently used apps.

Just talk to him instead of trying to confront about messages. Talk about the lack of intimacy and explain you feel things have changed. Because no actual prove what he doing your just suspecting saying your kids don't deserve this. Ofcourse it points to him up to no good.

Try I mean get close to him set up something nice get what you lost back. If nothing and you feel his attention elsewhere then definitely bring it up.

Kids don't deserve two parents splitting but if lack of intimacy driven him another woman and he done you dirty then your still in good position. Sometimes you have to admit your marriage in trouble but mostly if he done something he used that other woman he won't leave you most guys just want a side chick and your always be his wife..You are in a very strong position here.

I am not saying overlook but to talk about your intimacy issues and how your feeling. You can get through this if even if your marriage is done and your kids will survive like all the other children from broken families.

Noooo!! Like he'll admit it. Hell retreat more

Also to make you feel like you can cope with this, cope with whatever this is going to throw at you. Have you seen the GP for HRT? X

You can message on Twitter, does he have a Twitter account without downloading the app?

Unfortunately you can message from most apps these days. I have heard of people conducting affairs using the message facility of my fitness pal and I myself have innocently messaged dp with our chess playing app because dd2 sometimes looks at my phone and messages.

Good luck op. I’m keeping my fingers crossed that there’s an innocent explanation.

If he has an iPhone go to settings then screen time . Notifications will tell you whether he is messaging, texting or just using social media.
If he is using What’s app secret convos then the person he is messaging will be high up the list.
My DH had a brief emotional affair a few years ago and immediately after I found out I insisted on periodically checking his phone. He wasn’t happy but he was not interested in leaving me for the OW and it was the only way I could move forward. Up until the EA he had absolutely no issues with me using his phone. In fact we have always whichever mobile phone was to hand. It happened during the first lockdown when we were mainly using phones for listening to music and I noticed he was getting a bit protective over his phone. DH is a digital Luddite do it was easy to find everything.

Hope your ok x

Just to add, on iPhone if you go to photos then forward/share the photo it will come up with suggestions of the most frequently contacted people whether that’s WhatsApp, Instagram or whatever. But remember people do save numbers in their phones under different names