Does mentionitis always end in an affair?

[Mentionitis01]

Name changed as I don’t want this linked to my usual posts.

Been with DP for 9 years, very compatible and happy, have been through some real life shit together such as serious illness etc.

Anyway they’ve had a big team shake-up at work, 3 people left and so they’ve had loads of new starters.

And dp keeps mentioning one of them. How she’s here from abroad so is obviously struggling on her own, was stuck here during lockdown and couldn’t see her parents. And so it goes on.

Thing is, she’s 25 years younger than him, which is probably why I’ve not paid much attention, but have noticed he mentions her more and more.

I know they’re not having an affair at this point, but is it inevitable?

I’ve mentioned that he talks about this woman a lot,and he just says that they get on, she’s young enough to be his daughter so wtf would he want to get involved there.

I don’t want to make a scene over it. If he’s going to have an affair or even tempted then I won’t bloody fight for him, but I guess I’d like to know if I should just be getting ready to leave or whether I’m just being too paranoid?

You aren’t being paranoid,

I'd subtly keep asking Qs Before jumping to any conclusions

I doubt many girls would be interested in a man 25 yrs older so it may be a one sided crush (if that's what it is)....unless of course she needs money/visa

However, I wouldn't be particularly happy if I thought my DP was only being faithful because his crush wasn't interested

Do you say anything when he mentions her? He definitely likes her and I’m assuming she’s attractive.

Just keep your powder dry OP and your eyes & ears open.

Listen to your gut and keep your eyes open.
Unfortunately, there are many younger women who would be interested in starting work affairs with older men for obvious reasons. She's already using the 'poor me, I'm here all alone with no family' card on your husband... and it's working, he's feeling sorry for her!
Have an honest conversation with him about how this is making you feel. Point out that this woman chose to move countries. She's and adult, she isn't struggling and isn't his problem. Good luck.

Probably bugger all in it. I get accused of similar off my mrs.

I work in an environment where there’s lots of younger girls, similar age gap to what you’re describing and some of them I really like. They make me laugh, they’re vibrant to be around and I enjoy chatting to them about the things young people do etc

Apparently I then take this home cause I’ll say things like “that Zoe in work I was telling you about has died her hair pink” or whatever and then a couple of days later if we have an argument she’ll scream something like “well fuck off with Zoe then, you never stop talking about her” and I’m left like ‘eh? Wtf’?

Now I can tell you 100% seeing as we’re all anonymous I haven’t given Zoe or anyone else a second thought in those terms but you just tell work stories don’t you? These girls are kids to me and probably are to your husband too.

*I might be wrong but just some balance

Not always. Sometimes the affair was already happening before the mentionitis started.

Her age is irrelevant op - plenty of men have had affairs with younger women. As for the mentionitis - yes in my case it was the first red flag. Keep your eyes and ears open.

I'm going to buck the trend here and say no I don't think it does,

DH often talks about his female colleague and is aware that he does so, I've met her once, maybe twice, and shes lovely. Similar age to me and DH, think she's married, no idea about kids, we've got 3. Dh not secretive at all......

Keep a weathered eye I guess but no, not always, I dont think it does.

Nothing is inevitable. 25 years younger should be a deal breaker though.

I think this is a sign it's POSSIBLE but not proof it is going on. If you're concerned, you could call it out? You MIGHT even make him wake up when he's sleep walking into infatuation?

Perhaps, but if you mention Zoe 9 times in one week and other people not at all, it would get a bit wearisome.

Just ask him outright . Then if he denies it tell him to shut the fuck up about this woman .

I think I get mentionitis when I make a new friend (can be of the opposite sex) or when I’m spending a lot of time with someone at work - it never means I fancy them and has never ended in an affair.

So no, I don’t think it’s a given that it suggests, or results in, an affair.

Funny it’s never the 25 year old men at work that get mentioned all the time, guess they’re as not as nice, fun or lonely.
Lots of men do like to do a bit of ‘rescuing/hero’ which is what this sounds like.

Of course it's not inevitable. Even if he wants an affair, she may not. He may think a crush is fine but draw the line at an affair either out of decency/loyalty or laziness or worry that she'll reject him or fear of getting in trouble at work, etc.

Unfortunately, there are many younger women who would be interested in starting work affairs with older men for obvious reasons. She's already using the 'poor me, I'm here all alone with no family' card on your husband... and it's working, he's feeling sorry for her!

I honestly think this is utter nonsense. My DP has a colleague she mentions far more than anyone else - and the simple reason is that the two of them get on well and have lots in common. Likewise, I have two colleagues I know I talk about far more than anyone else - they're both people I genuinely like and whose company I enjoy. One of them is a straight woman (I'm a lesbian) and the other is a gay man - so there's absolutely nothing happening there! But I spend hours of my days with them, so it is not terribly surprising I come home saying 'Sandra said x' or 'David said y'.

Isn't it quite possible your DH simply feels he can chat about this young woman because, with a huge age gap, it's pretty unlikely anything is going on?

Maybe he doesn't see her in a sexual way but more of a protective way. I know when I was married I did it a bit with a guy I worked with - it wasn't a crush we just got on really well and had similar personalities. I was completely in love with DH at the time. Just maybe listen to how he's mentioning her.

I think mentionitis is a signal in men. But not always shag adjacent
Good luck, hope it's just a bit of a phase.

If he mentions her being lonely/alone, say ‘oh, I hope she makes friends her own age’, ‘she sounds nice; I hope she meets a nice guy soon’.

I mention someone at work is 25 years younger than me. Not because I fancy him but just because he's funny, does funny things. He's the same with everyone. No way do I think of him in that way.
Someone dh works with he was always mentioning and if he's off sick for a while she will text saying her and Jane (made up name) were wondering how he was. I've met her and there's no way they'd get together. I asked him that before I'd even met her and he said no way. She's much younger and completing into him that way.
Just ask him. If you don't trust him generally that's another issue altogether though.

Of course it's not inevitable. The person being mentioned may have no interest whatsoever, for starters.