Hello, I'm looking for advice on how anyone has handled parents who don't like them please?
My parents are 70 and 71, they had an extremely volatile relationship when I was growing up; my dad was a woman beating drug addict. My mother a spoilt control freak. They divorced when I was 7 then remarried 8 years later, after us moving to a refuge during the separation. My dad would wait outside our house, and try to abduct me from school. I spent playtimes indoors.
My mum was never there for me really, she talked about killing herself constantly when I was a small child. We lived with my gran who cared for me day to day. It broke my heart when we moved to the refuge without her. Even more so when my parents got back together and made me move in with them.
I have two children of my own now, a 17 year old and a six year old. I have had some unstable relationships in my past, due to very low self esteem and self worth. I left my youngest sons dad due to abuse. He made me very ill, and was able to use the relationship I have with my parents to segregate me and use me. I eventually got away after he had an affair. I've skimmed over a great deal here. This was not the life I wanted for myself or my children.
I have suffered a great deal with low mood, low confidence etc, all my adult life. I am now 37, but get treated as a child. If I don't ring my mum and tell her my movements I'm *** off. I'm relatively smart, yet have no confidence to really aim for greatness. I am aware I can parent and work, single-handedly without any support from my son's dad or my parents (I know I'm a good mum to my children), as he no longer has contact with us and my parents said it was too difficult to pick my son up from school once a week, unless I allow them to have a key to my home so they can have full access to it. I declined.
My mother has never really been positive about me, my dad has allowed her to bully me, and has often joined it. In fairness, they have helped me out financially over the past 3 years, however I'm reminded of this all the time, and they make it known to others. Not to extreme sum of money, but when times have been tough, they have helped with a frown.
I have now met a man who I have been seeing for 6 months; we have taken it very slowly due to both having children, and my negative self talk has caused some sabotage along the way. My parents will have my youngest overnight from around 6pm to 10am, so the time we've had together every other weekend or so has been limited. This is also the only time I ever have to myself. Prior to this, if my son stayed with them, I also had to stay.
This new relationship seems to be really going somewhere, he is the kindest, most gentle man I have ever met. Around 10 years ago, he dabbled in recreational drugs and my mums friend told her of this. They have never met him, but my mum immediately had a vendetta against him, much as she has with any man who has shown me interest in the past 3 years. He has not done anything like this in 10 years, has children of his own and works full time. He's a great dad and shows me respect like nobody ever has. Yet my mum detests me ever seeing him.
My parents have recently begun saying things about me in the presence of my youngest son, who has felt the need to tell them they are being nasty about his mummy. He was told off for this and told he'd never be allowed there again if he told them off. My mum also used to say things about me to my eldest son when he was younger. Now he is older, he speaks very little to them, and they always slate him for this.
Please, has anyone managed to successfully discuss their parents behaviour, and managed to improve and maintain a relationship with them by doing so. I've sat in the show and cried this evening, after hearing this from my youngest son. They are the only family we really have, but I cannot carry on like this. Please help.