How do men who are having an affair manage to keep it under wraps?

[catneedsfeeding]

Can anyone explain why men who have affairs manage to keep it under wraps so well? I don't want to make this a gender thing but I can't help thinking there might be a gender imbalance thing at play because I know if I had an affair (I never would) that I would be caught out probably within the week.
For example, I once started a new job at a private residence and within weeks a casual acquaintance (male) of my husband's had asked him (didn't ask me) what I was doing visiting there!

A mutually beneficial arrangement is key.

That is awful lying about his friend dying!!!

When I worked in an office I can see how you could do it, I often worked late. At least until 6pm (so an hr late) but until 8/9/10pm wasn't unheard of. I talk to my husband too often during the day for either of us to have an affair.

For many I'd say it's the thrill

A third of cars in UK are owned by women. Men own the other two thirds. Two thirds of people who have a commute of over an hour are men. Men are much likelier to work more than 40 hours a week or work away from home. So,far more opportunity for having discreet affairs than if you're schlepping to the paramour's love-nest on the number 16 bus and using nursery pick-ups as your cover story. Whether men do have more affairs than women is debatable. Surveys,haven't shown a huge gap. It's possible women are less likely to admit cheating,particularly if they have children ,and are in fact a lot more discreet than men.

Worked in finance in the city for a long, long time. Affairs were everywhere, and mostly daytime affairs. When you’re in the office (or can say that you are!) between 5am and 8pm, there’s plenty of opportunity not to get caught.

I don’t think I know of anyone who was caught.

It's not always about covering for eachother. Not everyone tells their mates about it. It's the ones who just don't tell anybody that seem to get away with it.

The poster who mentioned narcissism, I think that might be the answer.

I think the wife just doesn't look too closely and why should she, you'd expect the person you're with to be honest and to love you. Usually they or one of them is so occupied (children, work, sick family, depression, whatever...) and so they don't put make the connection because they are drowning with whatever it is that's occupying them.
The same distractions that might have driven the affair ends up facilitating it. Of course, there are cake eaters and sex addicts and being unavailable for your partner doesn't excuse cheating.

I do think that cheating is facilitated by working in certain industries or being in a big city where it's easier to be anonymous. I do agree with hiding in plain sight.
The longer a man gets away with cheating, the more slobby and risk taking his conduct becomes so it all comes out in the wash in the end.

Some one I know who worked away took his fancy woman on holiday . He got caught out when his wife phoned his work place because of an emergency and was told he was on leave .

No matter how careful you think you are no matter how far away in a remote place you both are someone will see you .

I know 2 women who have been cheating for ore than 2 years

Asked a man, as his was quite obvious to everyone.

He says his partner doesn't go looking for things she doesn't wish to know, so as long as he goes home before daybreak/doesn't bring any trouble to her door, she's fine.

I'm guessing she may also not be close to his family or they're very good secret keepers, as they all know his verrrrry long term AP.

Asked him about his AP and apparently she very much likes her space, so works great for him from every angle 🤷🏾‍♂️

I know, personally, of more women who have had affairs than men.

I was the OW for a long time.

I’m very good at spotting red flags but I didn’t see any.

Whenever I rang or text he would answer and come around whenever I wanted.

We would go out on dates, to parties, shopping etc - normal things that normal couples do.

I think what helped him was that I was a busy person and he worked irregular hours, so it wasn’t as suspicious having to go into work at the last minute or every weekend.

I do think there was a certain amount of turning a blind eye from his partner because I can’t see how you wouldn’t know.
I think she liked her lifestyle as she didn’t have to work and he was a good person and father (affairs aside).

This is absolute rubbish, women are much more capable of outwitting men, so good in fact that not many get caught.

Isn't that a bit like proving a negative, though?
When I first read your post my initial reaction was to think that there might be something in it. But on closer analysis, unless you know women are cheating then how could you know if they're not getting caught simply because there is nothing going on? 😕

What's this book please?

Affairs go undetected when both parties in the affair are near-enough satisfied with what the affair is (i.e married partner who just wants some fun on the side, and the other woman/man who accepts that he/she can only take up so much time and it's not a full-blown relationship). So they can contain it. Affairs usually get found out because one person suddenly wants more, and it spills into the married person's private life (such as a random text coming through).

Even if your partner dosent find out, you still know. You still have to live with what your doing.

You also run the risk of being caught and dealing with all that involves.