Divorce/Separation: what FINALLY made you decide to do it?

[DaphneHarvey]

Assume there was much soul-searching and maybe many years of unhappiness beforehand. But was there one final straw that broke the camel's back that made you decide there was no way back, or not?

I know its nosey, but very pertinent to me right now so all answers gratefully received ...

I had been married 7 years. Gradually getting more unhappy. The lies from him, the belittling, selfish behaviour. I realised I was a trophy wife, a housekeeper and a convenient babysitter to his dc. He went out 6 nights a week.
One day we were at his parents for their 50th wedding anniversary. I listened while his df mocked his wife's clothes, sneered at the lovely meal she had cooked, made jokes about her figure etc etc all the other adults going along with his witticisms.
I realised in a rush of cold blood through my body, that I now knew where my husband had learned his belittling and put downs from. That it wasn't me. In the next instant I knew something else. I could not stand to be married for 50 years to him.
I waited until Xmas was over and in that new year, went to a solicitor. Got my divorce within 10 months, despite his lies, time dragging and nastiness.
If I hadn't seen his df in full, puffed up "I wear the trousers around here." mode, I am guessing I would have stayed many more years, miserable and thinking "I made my bed blah blah."
Sometimes the penny drops in the oddest way.

I was unhappy for about 10 years, really wanted a divorce as we never really agreed on anything. He was a good supportive hard working man, but was just not for me. I walked out over 2 years ago and haven’t regretted it.

I agree about not involving the children in the breakup, just parent them and things will be fine.

For me it was last week when he said my one significant ex had dodged a bullet. It was a very painful time in my life and he knows it so saying that was truly unforgivable.

We would have been married 20 years in December.

Woke up one Sunday morning and my now Ex, decided to walk out of the door and didn't speak to me for almost 3 weeks. That morning I literally woke up.

During those 3 weeks I looked very closely at all the things he'd done to me over the years and it finally dawned on me that he was a terribly abusive narcissist and he would never, ever changed.

This latest silence was his attempt to start his love bomb cycle and in his own words he said he 'wanted a reaction'. So I ended 23 years of marriage in a text to him congratulating him on getting the ultimate reaction and I was filing for divorce.

It was a truly hellish year trying to divorce him and his harassment is ongoing but I have no contact with him and I am so happy and free.

He saw me really happy for the first time in a long time, and didn't speak to me or look at me for a week except for practical matters over the children.

It'd been bad a long time but that was it. In mitigation I'm certain he has autism and struggles to cope with any emotion, and so does everyone else who knows him including a couple of professionals.

There were other women constantly throughout our 27 year marriage. He lied about everything. An abusive narcissist who was so charming to other people I thought no one would believe me. I told him I wanted a divorce when I found out about the latest woman. She swallows everything he tells her and we had only been apart 12 months when he married her. He sucks up to her family and I can see he'll never change. But he's her problem now and she knew he was married when she started seeing him.
So many years of emotional, financial and mental abuse that I just put up with. Then our youngest turned 18 and I realised I didn't want to waste any more of my life with him. I had kept on hoping/thinking that if I just found the right thing to do/say he would become his original lovely self. But then I hit 50 and something switched inside me. Been divorced two years.

I think that is what has happened for me really, something has just snapped. every now and again we will have an explosive argument where I am accused of not “doing enough“. I know that I do more than enough for our DC, cooking meals from scratch every evening, with a f/t high pressured job and I’m constantly exhausted picking up and cleaning. He makes me feel invisible and small and his expectations are unrealistic. I told him he takes the joy out of our days with his criticisms. I suppose my biggest fear is having the difficult conversation about wanting to separate and then the loneliness that will follow but ultimately I know long term this isn’t what I want!