Struggling with my own feelings while trying to consider the feelings of others (loss and infertility/ pregnancy related)

[Feelingsosoverysad]

I’ve struggled with secondary infertility for just over 2 years now. Dsis about to have a baby and we’ve really drifted apart I just can’t bring myself to call visit or text it’s like I have a mental block. She seems to be avoiding me too (but isn’t fully aware of my struggles so I don’t think that’s why)

But I feel so guilty and I don’t know what to do. Dreading the day I get a birth announcement as I know it’s going to hit me like a ton of bricks and my dm etc will be wanting to talk understandably about the baby etc I’m going to have pressure to visit etc and I can’t as I’m basically having a breakdown over this and have been going to the gp as really struggling and possibly will be starting AD (but wanted to avoid due to ttc but feeling so low)

What I wanted to ask is should I reach out somehow . Maybe a few little gifts I could just post for mum and baby and a card explaining how I don’t mean to be distant but I’m struggling a lot (without too much detail as don’t want to pile guilt on someone who is happy ) just to say I’m thinking of them and wish them well and a few thoughtful gifts and just that I’ll be in touch when I can and please don’t be offended that I haven’t been in contact ? It’s been about 3 months since we spoke at all so it’s both ways really but I feel like I’m the one who is meant to do something I don’t know. I’m just so sad but don’t want to put this into my family when everyone else is happy and excited

Sorry form your TTC struggle's, I'm also on that journey and so far only have 2 MC's to show for it. I think it's a really thoughtful idea to send a card or some gifts over but I wouldn't allude to you not feeling well if she doesn't know the full backstory. Just send well wishes and continue to keep your distance emotionally if you need to, you don't need to drop feed or explain your behaviour to her.
Send the card and gifts and let her enjoy her baby.

I agree with the advice you have been given. You have mentioned she has been distant too, you seem to have decided this is also down to you but you can't know that. So just keep things light, do what you can and look after yourself emotionally.

You should reach out. She's your sister, you say you were close, so it probably really hurts her that you've pulled back when she's going through the emotional and physical duress of pregnancy, when she has done nothing wrong.

Dm was very blunt with me saying why am I not messaging but I said it’s both ways she doesn’t contact me either but she says I should be the one making the effort I just feel a lot of pressure and I want to do the right thing but I go to and then I can’t

@Feelingsosoverysad that's your call, but you asked for people's thoughts and I agree with your DM. I'm sure you're finding this hard, but so too will your sister if you were close in the past. I think you need to give yourself a bit of a push and make the effort - even if just to explain why you're been so distant.

It’s always me though making the effort and when I stop it’s like nobody else can be bothered to contact me it always has to be me initially and dm tells me as if phones only work one way which just makes me more sad being told to ask others how they feel and initiate contact when nobody ever thinks it should be the other way and I feel quite bitter about it. It’s been a theme throughout my life which I think is really contributing to it all now.