My partner never takes me out anywhere but now suddenly wants to

[Noodge]

And I feel she's doing it out of duty?

We've not been getting on very well lately.

We don't live together. If I visit her she just wants to sit about the house and I find it very boring.

if she visits me we do go out, but it feels like It's under duress on her part. She doesn't enjoy it at all. She does have some personal, anxiety related reasons for it admittedly.

I have talked to her about this, as well as all sorts of other issues of her treating me badly and was contemplating ending it.

And now she's messaged me this evening saying she wants to take me out for dinner next weekend and 'Can you pick somewhere?'

She's categorically never done this.

Am I being passive aggressive by wanting to reply 'Don't be doing this because you feel you have to' (I won't)?

I just feel so down over her treatment of me recently that I am not sure I can trust my own thoughts and emotions if that makes any sense.

How would you approach it?

She is nasty to you and the relationship has lots of issues.

End things and move on.

When someone is nasty, there is nothing else to say.

Move on, stop flogging a dead horse.

This. You’re not compatible. She will try to pacify you by tossing a few crumbs, but ultimately you’re better off with someone who enjoys the same lifestyle/activities. Trying to force it is frustrating and never works in the long-run.

If it’s too little too late then consider ending things. Or give it a chance, is she listening and making changes? If so give her a chance to see if things improve permanently. Maybe meet in the middle with going out sometimes, staying in too etc. Clearly there’s more going on but sounds like you need to have a long think about what you want

You're not for each other then 🤷

This. Why make it more complicated. Go and enjoy yourself. Maybe she has a New Years resolution to go out more and make more effort. That's nice.

You should have ended this relationship ages ago, you know this, yet you keep hanging on about all this nonsense that's clearly not working for you. FFS, end it already.

If she genuinely tried, and the two of you fell into a compromise pattern of going out together more even though she doesn't love it, would you be happy with that? Or would you continue to feel uncomfortable that she wasn't enjoying herself, didn't really want to go, etc.? Will it bother you if she keeps asking you to choose the place, etc.? There's nothing wrong with compromising in a relationship (as long as you both do), but there's also nothing wrong with wanting a partner who genuinely loves and enjoys the same things you do. If she's not that person, nothing is going to make her turn into it.

I know it's not your focus on this thread, but for me it would make a huge difference if she is actively dealing with her anxiety (or the possibility that she has anxiety or some other issue, if she hasn't been diagnosed). Not saying I would definitely stay if she were working on it, but refusal to try to get help or denial about the issue would be a big push to leave. These things, untreated, usually do not improve with age and time.

If quality time together/ doing things together is your love language and it’s not hers, unless you both work at learning and giving each other’s love languages, it is going to be a rough road. I’m sorry.
I’m just thinking of a friend who finally divorced his wife after years of feeling so desperately neglected - he would even tell her all he wanted for Christmas was to go dancing together, and she still wouldn’t go anywhere with him - it just got to be too much, and the hurt built up too much.

I hope this isn’t happening in your case. Incompatibility in this area is something to pay attention to- you deserve to enjoy your life. I’m sorry :(