I did LD maybe 15 years ago, different countries, for nearly 2 years, after we first met. Didn't see this becoming a proper relationship due to distance but it did. We would talk on chat a lot during the day, just felt nice sharing the boring day-to-day things, including really mundane stuff like what we'd had for lunch or something funny someone had said. We'd have week-long trips to spend time together.
Ended up moving in together, we did break up maybe 9 months later, but got through the hardest part. Looking back I don't remember the long distance part being so hard, it was nice having my own independent life and then someone to recap it with every day. Suppose what I do remember is preferring to stay in to talk to my then partner as opposed to properly enjoying a social life, so that part suffered for sure. At times I'd get my head turned a bit, too, and would think how nice it would be to have someone I can see regularly.
Sort of doing long-distance now after 15 years of mostly being able to see my partner whenever I wanted/ living with them. It's not that we live really far from each other but can't prioritise dating right now.
It gets hard, OP. It does get hard and lonely sometimes, I hate going to bed alone, or doing things with friends where I'd rather be doing those things with him.
A few bits that seem to work:
- Talking every day or almost every day, knowing the little daily things he gets up to make me feel closer to him, as it can be easy to almost forget what he's like without the flavour in the detail, joking around and keeping it light and fun
- Knowing the next time you're going to see each other so you have something positive to look forward to and some certainty. Really love talking about ideas of what we could do next time, too
- Photos - doesn't have to be something sexy. Can be something funny/ something they'd enjoy, or just fire him a photo of you looking good that day so that you don't just become a voice/avatar
- Taking a real interest if they are going through something, and getting the same back, making an effort to be there for each other. To me, that really brings us closer and reminds us whey we are putting ourselves through this. There's noone I'd rather talk through anything more challenging in my life than him
Bits that don't seem to work:
- Constantly moaning about how hard it is/ how it isn't working. It's not your fault, it's not his. Of course you can talk about your emotional needs and how to best fulfil them, but don't make each other feel guilty. Be honest though, and be quite aware of your emotions and what's causing them before offloading on your partner
- Obsessing over what they get up to if they aren't with you/ you haven't spoken maybe a day. To give you an example, I was talking to a friend who has never met the guy, who said 'oh, they're probably seeing other women when they're not with you'. Sent me to a dark place for a few days, although I know my guy and his lifestyle well enough to know they barely have the time and energy to maintain one relationship! You need to trust them and believe they're putting themself through LD because they think you're worth it - if they've shown that they deserve your trust
- Trying to make it work if it really isn't working and causing more mysery than happiness. Not everyone is designed for LD, especially if that phase goes on a while. If you're not sure why you're doing this and can't see the light then don't feel like you have to soldier on