How can you relax so you can have good sex?

[intimateproblem]

I know it's an odd title really but that's how I feel.
I love my dh and we have been together for years but I just am not in the mood for sex ever. When I rarely do completely switch off it's great, but as I said that happens about once a year.
Our sex life is so predictable, starts at a and ends in z iykwim
I just want to change it as not fair on dh really but to be honest always seems such a chore. We know what's going to happen from start to finish and I rarely feel satisifed.
Any help/advice would be so helpful. xx

Get drunk or stoned

Hot bath, two large glasses of wine, 45 minute back rub (men always try to get away with 1 min 45 secs and "ohhhh my hand's got cramp, love!")

Start this the second your kids are in bed.

Or a spliff would do the job, not that I'd condone such an obviously illegal method.

Definately second a bucket of wine -
I find if I am not in the mood but haven;t been for ages if I have a bath and big glass of wine then get DH involved asap things go well.
I love him and really want to want it more just doesn't cross my mind very often IYKWIM

dont like drunk sex at all

I didn't mean to get drunk - just a glass to relax you

Good sex starts much earlier in the day - the early morning embraces that promise more later, a teasing email, text or phonecall, that practical help that ensures that when you come home you are already looking to meet each others needs, and not for one of you to be slaving away for the other.

If you make it aprt of your day, to be thinking about, and planning how to give to your dh, and vice versa, then it is easier to avoid the predictable 10 minutes. Think about what, when and where you are going to eat for example?