What would you guys do?

[Kardelen]

we visited my dh auntie from his dad side. His mum and dads divorced so she got angry when dh and we visited. So after that the drama began.

she wasn’t answering dh calls. When we went to visit her she was barely talking to me or to my toddler. She also started complaining how we don’t leave toddler with her.

that week she ended up having high bp/diabetes and crying episodes. She sometimes picked dh calls sometimes didn’t. She lives with her other grown up/married children.
when speaking to dh on the phone I also asked how she is doing, but all I got was fine so I left it at that.

today we visited her( we always visit weekends). She was upset that I didn’t call her during the week to ask how she is. And also that toddler doesn’t say nanny yet, so she wants me to visit during weekdays on top of weekend.

I am pregnant and I wanted to avoid getting into this as this stresses me out and her attitude made me cry last week. But dh said I should’ve called and treat her like she has mental issues and should visit her at least for one hour during the week. Baring in mind I also work and want to rest or take toddler to groups/ clean/ or Shopping on days that I’m off as can’t do that with dh being off on weekends from visiting his family.

am I being unreasonable?

I'd not be visiting or listening to any of these people (MIL, AIL) if I were you. Your husband's issue to solve. He should be looking at the interests of his nuclear family first, and then supporting and visiting his own family only in any spare moments in whatever way he thinks is appropriate, or not, without involving you. Unless you specifically wanted to be involved. Which you don't. What IS it with these men? Urgh.

dh will always side with his mum

I had one of these, many moons ago. I left. I am not saying that I think you should but you need to set yourself some boundaries and not let his demands and behaviours become increasingly unreasonable.

I’m just worried if I do now go, she’s going to perceive it as I am going because of the way she behaved and then after a while it won’t be enough and she will do the same thing to have more control.

i would understand if she mentioned this to me or dh before she started this. But I don’t know what happened when all seemed fine.

I wish I could do this tbh because it’s stressing me out very much.

What would happen if you didn't visit? What is the worst thing? Divorce? Could you cope if DH left you, and would you really care or would you find it a relief?

I will tell you right now. Its your husbands lack of support that is the real issue, not his mother.