Taking a break. I've walked. Need advice.

[anerki101]

I've packed a bag for me and DC and gone to my mums. I don't know for how long or whether this will be permanent or not. I need some advice.

My priority is what is best for DC who is 4. I hate the idea of splitting his family up.

DP isn't abuse or horrible or anything like that but we both have issues in the relationship. We have the same arguments about the same thing on a regular cycle for years, and nothing changes. He doesn't change and neither do I.

I do care for him very much and love him but wouldn't say I was IN love and haven't been for a long time. I wonder if I ever was tbh. I was very young.

I don't want to hurt him and worry how he'll cope alone. But mostly I don't want to hurt DC.

I don't know what to do for the best. I don't want anyone to be hurt.

People will be hurt. That’s unavoidable. The question really is whether the relatively short-term pain of splitting now will be better or worse than the pain of staying in the relationship.

I think the “love but not in love” claim is a bit of a red herring. It’s natural for the early stage of romantic excitement to quieten and deepen as a relationship becomes very committed and long-term.

But if you were very young when you got together, it may well be that your relationship would never have gone the distance. I’m guessing that if you didn’t have a child together, it would perhaps have already ended. And it does sound like you may both be happier apart. FWIW, some of the most functional families I know are families where the parents are separated but co-parent sensibly and amicably.

The same arguments about the same things... what about?