Online dating - benefit of the doubt or kick to the curb?

[winter220]

Looking to settle down soon as i'm approaching mid 30s.

I matched with a guy a week ago, same age. Chat every evening, 1 or 2 messages.

I hinted about meeting up, and his response was that he wanted to get to know me a little more first. He wouldn't want to waste anyone's time. He then gave me his number asking me to contact him on Whatsapp if its easier.

Previous to this, he has been very complimentary, spoke about the photos I had on my profile and said he liked them. There has been a bit of flirty chat, but not too intense.

He did say he has never had to online date before and he finds it a bit weird/uncomfortable.

Says on his profile he is looking for something serious.

Since this, I have pulled back a bit. I don't want to get hurt and I can't understand why he wouldn't want to meet after a week of exchanging messages. Is he really that shy about it? Or is it that he isn't as into the idea of me as he makes out?

In the meantime, I am arranging to meet other men, which is another reason I wonder why would he not want to be meet asap as surely he would be aware I will be talking with others at this point?

Some men have no intention of ever physically meeting anyone they start talking to on line, even if their profile says otherwise. Although, he could be telling the truth, this wastes both of your time a lot more than spending an hour having coffee would.

In your position, I would work on the basis that it’s probably not going to be the man you settle down with. Let him keep messaging you if he wants to, but in no way should you stop talking to other people.

There are a lot of strange people doing old, but it can work. It’s how I met my DH and he’s flipping wonderful.

I’ve spoken to men online for several weeks before meeting. There’s nothing unusual about that. It gives you a chance to get to know each other better. I’m now with someone I met online - I think we were talking for about 4 weeks before we met. Maybe longer.

I prefer to talk to someone for quite a while before meeting. I can find out a lot about them by the way they express themselves in writing. The men I have met online have always been willing to talk for a long time - admittedly, I'm the exception rather than the rule! It helps me to feel comfortable with them.

I can understand the thinking that it's best to meet soon though, as it might be as waste of time. It never has been for me though.

1 or 2 messages per evening over one week sounds like very early stages of getting to know someone. He's probably playing the numbers game too and perhaps you haven't yet reached the point where he will decide to either filter you out or meet up. Give it a couple more weeks if it's otherwise positive and if he's still dithering then focus your attention elsewhere.

Thanks for advice.

It gives me a feeling of not being good enough to warrant a meet at the moment, and that perhaps he is pinning hopes on someone else.

If he/his behaviour is making you feel like that then kick him to the curb.

He’s not the one for you.

Concentrate on those other guys who DO want to meet.

It gives me a feeling of not being good enough

No questions about why: anybody you feel like this with, for whatever reason, leave. If you hang around with people you don't feel good enough with, you'll spend your time not feeling good enough.

Have you considered freezing your eggs Op? You may waste a lot of time OLD and not get anywhere...