Can you use Match for free?

[NorthAngel]

Hi,
Just signed up to Match - the dating site - but the free version. Got likes sitting there but can’t see them unless I hand over £££. Fed up of paying for dating sites. Not sure how Match works. Is it right that if I like someone, and they’ve liked me, we can then chat (for the free version)?

I think you have to pay.

Tbh you're wasting your time with Match, it's full of sleazy dead-beats.

Have you tried Hinge?
You'll find all the same ppl on all the apps anyway whether you pay or not

Yes, tried Hinge (free) and I’m a paying member of Bumble and Tinder (although I hide my Tinder profile and go incognito on Bumble and dip in every week or so).

I came out of a long sexless marriage two years ago (I wasn’t attracted to him and it was a like a flat mate relationship) and have had a few dates. Most either wanted a leg over that first date and flew off when it was obvious I wasn’t going to give, a couple of them met me and said I wasn’t what they were looking for and the recent one I liked and we got on well but he was so busy in his job and life he didn’t make much time for me. We had a great weekend away together recently but no progress on meeting up again so I said something last night. He likes me and said he thought I was lovely but thinks there are too many hurdles (we live 45 mins apart) and said he had concerns after our weekend away even though he said he’d enjoyed it!! Out of all of them he was the most intelligent, lovely and polite man! I feel he didn’t give it much effort. He was single/never married/no kids so maybe commitment isn’t his thing. I had to cut contact. I have wasted another five months of my life.

I just feel so deflated and now I’m feeling that any man that tells me how attractive I am, how lovely I am etc. - I won’t believe them!! I was very naive and inexperienced when I married so really feeling down about this. I get likes, most I don’t acknowledge.

I am attractive for my age (men at work tell
me all the time and I always have men having lunch with me at work - just the hospital canteen of course), have a very good career and don’t rely on anyone financially. I just don’t get it!!!!

Losing the will to live and feeling very, very lonely and alone. Eldest lives with his dad, youngest in her room all day and ignores me most of the time. All of my siblings, parents etc. are RIP.

Are there any other dating sites you can use for free and message if it’s a mutual
like? I don’t want to pay anymore.

I was in the same boat as you. Married young but he had affairs. I had my own house, a great career and no kids. I really struggled on dating site. I got plenty of interest but as you said, they're were only really interested in one thing or we'd go on a few dates and they'd say they weren't ready for a relationship. I'm sure there's a few good guys on those apps but my god there's some amount of absolute pond life!

The issue with paying for tinder or bumble is that most guys don't. Just because you're serious and paying doesn't mean they are. With match since everyone has to pay really to make it worth your while you'll find there'll be fewer guys just wasting time. But honestly, my experience on match wasn't really great either.

Have you tried speed dating? I really enjoyed that. If you can get a friend to go along it can be a fun night out and I feel like you can get a better feel for someone face to face rather than wasting time on messages. Again, because they have to pay they're more like to be serious about meeting someone.

Don't think of those 5 months as wasted time. You had a nice time with this man so that wasn't wasted time. And you've learned what you want and that certain distances won't work. I know it's hard not to feel down about it though. I've been there.

I'd try and meet people in the real world too if possible. At work, nights out, friends of friends etc. Dating apps can be a lot of effort with veey litte reward.

Most importantly, don't let it take over your life. I got myself quite down because of it but when I gave up looking, focused on myself, did some charity work and got new hobbies I started to feel better and content that actually I was ok on my own.

An old school friend got in touch 2 years ago and we're getting married in 2 months. He said he'd been following my Facebook posts about the charity work I was doing and that I just seemed like a good and happy person. Just being myself and making myself happy had made me more attractive than a pretty photo on an app ever would.

I wish you all the best. Take it easy and be kind to yourself.

@Laurdo
That’s lovely to hear and I’m glad it’s worked out for you.

I think a lot of my feelings are
heightened because I have realised how much time I have wasted in my marriage. When we did have a sex life it was all about him and was so dull. Obviously, I’ve been with others now and been treated to some real affection and passion so it’s opened my eyes. I feel very bitter that I stayed in a dead marriage to please everyone else.

I don’t know. Maybe you’re right about the apps but I think I’d struggle to meet someone in real life due to my job and other commitments. I like the idea of the apps where you can message someone for a while and then maybe phone then meet. I feel like I have got to know that
person a lot before we meet and I’d be uncomfortable talking to someone in real life like that. So, I like the set up of the dating sites but not the pond life that lurks
in them. It’s interesting what you said about Match where both parties have to
pay. At least I’d know they were more serious about dating.

I just wouldn’t mess anyone about. If I didn’t think it was going to work out, or something , I’d tell them. I’m wouldn’t keep that person stringing along.

I’ve missed affection and passion in my life but also connection and true companionship. Am I bad to want those things before I leave this earth? 😢

Yeah I get you. I was the same. I grew up in a big family and enjoying being in company so I really struggled living on my own, missed companionship and affection. I just felt that I put so much effort into finding someone that I lost myself a bit. I became bitter and resentful.

My marriage was also sexless which totally destroyed my self confidence made worse when I found out he'd been sleeping with other people when he'd rejected me for years. So I get you can feel disappointed at wasting you life with someone but there's nothing you can do about that now so make the most of the time you do have.

If online dating is what works for you then continue with that but yeah, just to wary of the pond life and I'd say paying for tinder or bumble is a waste of time. Have you tried e harmony? Another one you need to pay for and my god, the number of compatibility questions they ask.... You'd need to be serious to complete those!

Also, bare in mind, a lot of men feel threatened by women who have their lives together, especially if they don't. I think they think those women are less likey to put up with their crap. So don't be too downheartened if they suddenly lose interest or are only interested in one thing. It's not a reflection of you, its usually a reflection of them and it's really just the trash taking itself out. Of course, sometimes people just don't click or want different things.

Your final paragraph rings true. And "having your life together" as a woman means (for those men) simply that you have housing, a job, friends and a hobby. They are threatened by you having a basic adult life. Not worth making yourself smaller for one of these.

@Laurdo
I think living in a sexless marriage was fine as I was always busy. We did have two children with the youngest conceived artificially - even though tests showed there was nothing wrong with either of us. I think it was nature’s way of stopping me falling pregnant as, by this point, I had lost attraction for him (age gap and incompatibility). I lived with my feelings and got on with life. My mum was elderly and the kids were young and I had to keep a career and a house going. When the kids became more independent, my mum passed away, the mortgage was paid and menopause hit me early (45) and suddenly, my life and feelings were turned upside down! I started to see my marriage for what it was and started, unintentionally, looking elsewhere.

I hadn’t had much experience and married straight out of university. I hadn’t lived and he was in his 30’s and should’ve realised. There was no passion (and my goodness, I’ve had it now with a couple of others), no hand holding, no affection/intimacy etc. Why I lived with that for so long I’ll never know!!

Maybe men on dating sites do see me as a threat. I was driven to succeed as a teenager as my mum was a divorcee and had hardly a penny. I didn’t want to rely on a man for money - never have, never will.

I’d like to find someone passionate, empathetic and professional/intelligent. Someone who can stimulate me in all areas .

I tried eHarmony first and didn’t like it. I like Bumble but there isn’t much choice!

Just paid £59.99 for 6 months of Match - wish I hadn’t bothered!! Yuk!

You can ask for a refund within 2 weeks I believe, I did similar and wished I hadn't

I tried and it said I couldn’t as I’d used the site to look at likes!!! That’s £60 I won’t get back!