Has anyone reported it and gotten far?
I've left now, he divorced me out of the shame of not wanting to change his ways.
I'm completely heartbroken & don't understand why I miss someone so toxic for me. It's his birthday today I suppose I'm remember the last 5 I had spent with him.
We met when we were 18/20. He was every green flag and more, things were great. He'd support my dreams and goals etc too. After we got married he changed. I'm Muslim, he wanted me to cover my face and when I'd say no he'd argue with me so much and so aggressively (not physically) that I eventually gave in and just stopped. I fell pregnant soon into the marriage, he cheated on me while pregnant (of course with girls online who we're definitely not covered) he manipulated me using religion to make me wear it, I have some screenshots of texts with these arguments.
After that he became coercive with sex. I didn't recognise this at the time, he'd use religion to pressure me into it, saying he loves me so much he just wants more babies with me so no need for contraception. I pushed and did go on one which sadly didn't agree with me well at all so stopped. His online cheating continued and I grew more and more empty. I could only have a job if he approved of it, (like teaching at the mosque part time) financially I was dependent on him so couldn't afford to learn to drive either. When my friend would come round he'd always sit with us. When his friends would come over I'd have to leave the house and go to a neighbour.
I have evidence of him texting me religious scripture to manipulate me into feeling guilty for rejecting sex, our relationship didn't make me feel emotionally connected or safe which I now recognise is why I had such a low sex drive, he would make me feel like I'm punishing him. I have a video where he's pestering me about having another baby and he's saying "you always have an excuse" "you keep denying me" "you delay it every month"
I have screenshots of texts where he's making me feel bad if I say I don't want to cover by saying "I don't want to be here anymore" "what face will I have to show outside" "I'm so ashamed" I never promised I'd wear it I just said I'd try. I have texts where he's saying "this is about that stupid job isnt it"
I have friends who noticed me distance. He was good with my family he always put an act on around them, showing the guy I fell for so I loved being around him around my family. The only thing my mum noticed is I used to hardly call or text her. But in person would be fine so she wouldn't question it.
I mentioned I went for counselling last summer as I truly believed my low sex drive was my fault. Counsellor noticed some controlling behaviour and tried to intervene with finances to which he didn't take heed. Neither could I have support with the contraception issue.
I posted on here last year about feeling the pressure to have a baby, I don't know if that counts as evidence? I did give in and fell pregnant in Jan this year and lost the baby in March, after March he changed. He started going out a lot lot more while I'd be home with the baby, who's now 2.5. He'd be on the phone til 3am, whenever I'd go downstairs he'd pretend to be asleep, I found certain contacts on his phone escorts etc. At that point he started giving me silent treatment anytime I'd approach a counsellor for help or my family. Even his own family tried to support me he took no heed.
In July this year he coerced me into sex with him one night distracting me from something I found on his phone I couldn't say no as I knew it would cause a huge argument
Neighbours noticed me not leaving the house much and losing weight rapidly.
He would threaten me saying he has inappropriate videos of me on his phone and he will "out" me to my uncle and dad. Disgracing me. I don't think I ate for 3 weeks at all, I couldn't look after the house as well as usual to which he took pics and humiliated me for it sending to my uncle that we live in a pinstigh when in reality I was suffering so much mentally.
August 4th I left but still wasn't aware this was abusive behaviour.. I have reported this but I feel afraid I don't have enough proof.