Husband made a booking with escort.

[Indoorvoicesbluey]

been together 10 years and have 3 children.

dh stopped wanting sex or anything at the start of the first lock down due to Dc always there/stress. It went longer and longer without with and now we’ve had sex once this year. I have cried to him begging for some love or attention/sex or for him to tell me what Iv done wrong/what can I do to help. He claims he has no sex drive. He gets upset about it.

a friend who is an escort messaged me on Wednesday saying there’s an app called private eye where escorts can search people’s numbers and she was telling me about some of her clients and the reports on there. I jokingly said check dhs number thinking absolutely nothing of it.

He has a warning for timewaster.. he booked a 5pm booking and never turned up or confirmed apparently.

he booked this booking last year while my dad was dying in hospital.

he’s claiming he couldn’t go through with ir and the reason he booked ir was to see if there was actually something wrong with him as to why he doesn’t want sex with me. He got emotional over telling me he’s worried something is wrong 🙄.

iv cried, told him I can never forgive him.

its more that he did ir when I needed him. Apparently he booked it on his break at work so how many other times has he done ir? Or actually gone through with it? He swears he never has.

im so hurt. I would never ever ever expect him to do that to me.

It doesn't exist as far as i can find out

@Wonnle It does exist.

From his response in your update, OP, I'd say your relationship is over.

He doesn't want a sexual or affectionate relationship with you.
His response to this is to book an escort.
He can't see the issue with this and turns it back onto you.

This doesn't sound like someone who wants to make his marriage work.

Has he made any effort to investigate his low sex drive or seek medical help. Has he spoken to a GP or anything before he decided the best course of action was to make an appointment with an escort? If he’s done anything else and exhausted all avenues id maybe talk to my partner. If he’s done nothing to seek help, knowing how hurt and unloved his partner feels. How worried and lonely she is… then he’s a selfish knobber and I’d be assessing if I want another 40 years in a dead loveless relationship.

You e spent years crying and begging. Get rid, he's scum.

There is no point being in a sexless marriage, get a divorce.

Handhold op, what a shock for you. Don't rush into a decision if you don't want to. If you honestly both want to work on the marriage I would suggest seeing a sex therapist. At least if it doesn't work out you know you've tried x

I just don’t get it. He has literally zero confidence and which has stopped us doing stuff as a family as well. He hates his body, wont even take his top off in front of me.

he wouldn’t go doctors because he thinks theh will tell him it’s because he’s fat and he’s really embarrassed by it all.

Please don't react now to his emotional state. You've had a huge shock, give yourself time to process it. You can't make any decisions right now.

Just let him keep talking, you observe. Try and not get drawn into his emotional state, that isn't your priority right now. Keep airing your thoughts here, not to him. You'll get to a place in your head where you will know without a shadow of a doubt how you want to tackle this.

As a side note, imagine the downloads that app is going to get now!

None of this makes what he's done ok and I know you're not saying that.
He's a selfish and untrustworthy person right now.

Options:
Stay with a man who pays prostituted women for sex.
Leave.

I know which I'd choose. Good luck, OP.

The biggest issue is that he won't talk about things honestly and openly with you. That "at least you have something to hold over me" comment is classic deflection, blaming you for something you haven't done (and COULDN'T have done as it's in the future) to get out of talking about what he did. And yes, he did do something - he considered paying for sex, went online and found someone and booked an appointment, and decided not to go. WHY? It's a legitimate question, especially with the backstory of a troubled/nonexistant sex life between the two of you and the fact that he KNOWS the lack of sex/affection really bothers you.

There are loads of issues here - even if you don't have a problem with escorts/sex trade there's the intention to cheat, the desire to share something with a stranger that he won't with you, the considering this when he won't consider medical help, and the timing. They're all bad. But honestly, this is just a kind of "last straw" on what was already a serious problem.

So what if he's fat? Loads of people are fat, loads of fat people have sex. He can get help to lose weight, he can get help to feel less self-conscious about his weight. But this is what he does instead. I'd have run out of patience a while ago, escort or no escort. (Also, it's polite to cancel the appointment.)

Surely he wouldn't be called a timewaster after only one no-show?

I would not be giving him another day let alone the rest of my life. Just dump him he is disgusting. He can't even give you any respect to be honest with you about any of this. He doesn't want sex with you he wants it elsewhere there's no fixing this. All it will do is ruin your mental health and self esteem if you stay

OP, your friend is contravening the terms of the app, and might well be kicked off it as a result of what you have shared publicly. While I appreciate why she has shared this information with you, the t&cs are very clear about sharing information with non-sex workers.

Surely you mean your ex husband op

Why would you tell your child this ?

@Wonnle there are dozens, probably hundreds of variations of this app, mostly regional ones, used by women in the sex industry in an attempt to keep themselves as safe as possible.

Put aside the escort thing.
Do you want to spend the rest of your life crying and begging for love and affection?
I presume not.
In which case, LTB.
You will feel happier and less lonely single than in a relationship like that where your wants and needs are ignored.
And you would be open to meeting someone new who would love and care for you.

I get them as well.

I don’t THINK my partner would ever be disloyal, but I KNOW 100% my own health status.

I couldn’t ever IMAGINE my partner being deceitful, but the REALITY is many women feeling the same way find out it’s happened.

plus they are already down there, it’s not like adding a few more standard tests is a big deal right!

As an aside he sounds like he needs help… like maybe he should booking gym time and not sex worker time….

Sorry you’re dealing with this. He is minimizing your pain and trying to strong arm you into just getting over it. You never will though. At some point you’ll catch the anger, it will set you free.

He would have you feeling unwanted, and unfulfilled sexually and emotionally….. and go out to spend money on HIMSELF, while feeling entitled to break trust.

He is not going to change. Please get mad and free yourself.