Broken marriage

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 21/10/2022 07:19

It's over isn't it? You aren't together any more. Not as a married couple, more like FWB!

Violettaa · 21/10/2022 07:20

This isn’t true, is it.

But assuming it is, you need to leave. Obviously.

KangarooKenny · 21/10/2022 07:21

🤔 troll ? It is half term here.

oviraptor21 · 21/10/2022 07:21

You've lived apart and not been exclusive for six years. Unless that's what you want then yes, I'd agree it's over and you should cut your losses now.

Ekátn · 21/10/2022 07:23

ThatAussieGuy · 21/10/2022 07:18

So 18 months ago my wife announced she could not stay with me. 6 months later we went open, at her request. In Nov she closed the relationship because I was getting close to someone but insisted she had a 'free pass'. She had wild, knock it out of the park sex with some guy in Jan and then we just rolled on like nothing happened. We did marriage counselling but she put a stop to it. I've been close to leaving but I still love her and I feel like, no matter what, I have already lost everything I ever had or was, so I just need to make the most of the rest of my life. Literally everyone tells me I should leave, but I can't imagine it.

She moved out 6 years ago, we live apart, I see her perhaps a week out of three, it used to be 2 days a fortnight.

She left you 6 years ago

but decides not to be with you only 18 months ago.

You accepted she could shag anyone and you have to be faithful. Faithful to a wife you don’t live with, see a handful of times a year, who sleeps with other people.

and you think you are still together?

Original poster

ThatAussieGuy · 21/10/2022 07:25

To be clear, she moved out to study, we were in theory still married for that time, I lived with her for the year before she decided to leave, I was so happy, I thought we'd made it, I thought we had it all. So we don't LIVE together but we were in theory TOGETHER until she said she had to leave me. Which turned into the open thing. She'd never been with someone else, which meant the world to me but seemed to her to suddenly be garbage she couldn't wait to throw away.

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Original poster

ThatAussieGuy · 21/10/2022 07:26

There's no edit.... I will add... I accepted the open thing to try to get through, it meant she was not leaving. I accepted the 'free pass' because it meant we would stop being open. It's true I agreed at the time, but somewhat under duress.

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Ekátn · 21/10/2022 07:33

If she has a free pass it is open. Just in her end.

You are fool if you believe she moved away to study, didn’t sleep with anyone then imposed an open marriage.

She’s left you. She just keeps you on the hook for occasional use.

I am struggling to believe anyone would accept this.

Original poster

ThatAussieGuy · 21/10/2022 07:40

Ekátn · 21/10/2022 07:33

If she has a free pass it is open. Just in her end.

You are fool if you believe she moved away to study, didn’t sleep with anyone then imposed an open marriage.

She’s left you. She just keeps you on the hook for occasional use.

I am struggling to believe anyone would accept this.

Look, you are not the first to suggest this. She literally did leave to study, she came home once a week the first three years. Once she got her new job is when she started to look for more options I think.

She tells me she had sex with the guy once. She wanted to be open because she'd not had sex and I TECHNICALLY was inside another woman for 15 seconds before I freaked out and stopped it. I have to choose to believe her on this, or what do I have?

I do think that yes, she doesn't want a relationship the way I do, but I am a convenient source of money and sex. I am just hoping we can build from here.

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Original poster

ThatAussieGuy · 21/10/2022 07:50

It's all true. Yes right now it feels like FWB but 29 years is long enough that I am hoping we can fix it

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Ekátn · 21/10/2022 08:03

ThatAussieGuy · 21/10/2022 07:40

Look, you are not the first to suggest this. She literally did leave to study, she came home once a week the first three years. Once she got her new job is when she started to look for more options I think.

She tells me she had sex with the guy once. She wanted to be open because she'd not had sex and I TECHNICALLY was inside another woman for 15 seconds before I freaked out and stopped it. I have to choose to believe her on this, or what do I have?

I do think that yes, she doesn't want a relationship the way I do, but I am a convenient source of money and sex. I am just hoping we can build from here.

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So she was somewhere above 40 when she absolutely had to move away to study? For years? seeing you occasionally.

Then just came up with the idea that she wanted an open marriage. But not for you to be open to it.

You want people to believe that after 30 odd years together you think you can build on her using your for money and sex.

Honestly, she isn’t even taking advantage because it’s really clear what’s going on. You know and accept it.

Original poster

ThatAussieGuy · 21/10/2022 08:10

Ekátn · 21/10/2022 08:03

So she was somewhere above 40 when she absolutely had to move away to study? For years? seeing you occasionally.

Then just came up with the idea that she wanted an open marriage. But not for you to be open to it.

You want people to believe that after 30 odd years together you think you can build on her using your for money and sex.

Honestly, she isn’t even taking advantage because it’s really clear what’s going on. You know and accept it.

Show quote history

We were both open for five months. She insisted on a free pass when we closed. Yes, she always wanted to study and I encouraged it, and she finally did

I'm not an idiot. I know she deliberately destroyed me. I know we're not really working on it. I just have lost so much already....

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Original poster

ThatAussieGuy · 21/10/2022 09:25

I sense that everyone thinks I am pathetic. I probably am. I was open for 5 months. Friends tell me that the number of women I met and connected with was a pretty high score. I have no doubt i could find someone else ( and that is new for me ). I just don't want to. I want to give her every space to figure out she wants us to be something real again...

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