Am I losing my mind?

mummybear1994 · 2022-10-21T05:58:29+00:00

Hi, I supported my fiancé at a snooker match last night. I meet up with the guys wives when I go there and we have a laugh. Last night all was great until a guy from the other team started shaking our teams' hands. He then came to me and asked if I played on the team, I said I was a supporter of them, as my fella plays for them. He came in for a hug rather than a handshake. He was quite merry so gave him a quick hug and off he went. When I got home my fiancé shouted at me for hugging him. Saying do I often hug strangers, what's wrong with me, he was so annoyed with me and pissed off. I said I was sorry, I thought they knew him in the group and I just have him the lightest hug whilst I was sat down. My fiancé said it was an embrace. I know I put my arms around but it was light and it was such a short hug. I meant nothing by it. No one else said anything to me for doing it either. My fellas was so annoyed. I went to sleep crying. What are your thoughts? Am I being naive?

KangarooKenny · 21/10/2022 07:01

If he unexpectedly came in for a hug there’s not a lot you can do about it.
‘Your DP sounds very jealous and insecure. Is everything else ok in the relationship ?

AmIThatMam · 21/10/2022 07:05

If you can’t hug someone without your fiancé losing his shit, then what’s going to happen when you are spending the rest of your life with him?
I would be pissed of at the bloke for coming in for a hug but then I’m more of a waver.
Its not for anyone else to say what you do with your body. If you were comfortable with the hug then it’s fine. Your fiancé sounds like a jealous man child .

DosCervezas · 21/10/2022 07:18

Had your fiancé been drinking and lost the snooker match? Not an excuse for his behaviour, but could have been a factor behind his sulking. You did nothing wrong, you were just being polite.

On another note - with Covid I have become quite obsessive about germs - colds, flu etc that I don't even shake hands now and no way is anyone getting a hug! Yes I know it's not healthy and an immune system needs practice but I am still not comfortable in that area!

ThatAussieGuy · 21/10/2022 07:29

See, people judge you by their standards. I'd be worried why he thinks so easily that you're being unfaithful. My God, I hug people all the time. I met a random woman the other day, never seen her before, I hugged her for 5 minutes because she was crying.

Mabelface · 21/10/2022 07:37

The appropriate reaction from him would be to laugh and take the piss out of you in a jokey way. Run for the fucking hills, because this is likely to be the start of things to come.

frozendaisy · 21/10/2022 08:51

Oh my actual fucking god.

Tell him to piss off and grow up "you utter miserable controlling arsehole"

I would probably go further in "it's reactions like this that would make me want to hug others more I am a grown woman and I am not living a life of being frightened to touch another human because of how you might react you prick. So let me make this perfectly clear if you think you can react like this ever again just walk out the door now because I refuse to put up with this controlling shit from anyone and that includes you. Do this ever again and we're done, have I made myself perfectly clear"

And also, go and have a go at the "man" who hugged me, go on. Go and best your pathetic gorilla chest at him. Don't touch my woman type thing. Or won't you do that because he is a big important man and it's only timid little women you can make feel scared of you. My fucking hero.

You get the idea.
Basically he would be so sorry he had started this by the time I had finished.

frozendaisy · 21/10/2022 08:54

I wouldn't have gone to bed crying.

NotLactoseFree · 21/10/2022 09:52

Well, if it was DH, he'd have been a bit surprised that a random stranger was attempting to hug me and would probably asked if I'm okay and was he inappropriate. So no, you're not losing your mind.

Has this kind of thing happened before because of course it's a red flag.

Watchkeys · 21/10/2022 09:52

Boundaries 101: Stay away from people who make you feel like you're losing your mind.

Sorry @mummybear1994 It's that simple. You know you did nothing wrong, and he's had you in tears about it.

I wonder if he's ever upset you like this about other things? I wonder why you ask if you're losing your mind, and not whether he's losing his?

You know you're sane and reasonable. Don't you?

KettrickenSmiled · 21/10/2022 13:13

I said I was sorry,
You need to stop doing that. The apologising I mean - I bet it's an engrained habit of appeasement to a nasty, bullying man.

Who the fuck does he think he is? It's not up to him to tell you who you are allowed or not allowed to hug. It's your body, your life, & your choice.

What would happen if you told him to stop bossing you around & imagining he's the boss of you?

KettrickenSmiled · 21/10/2022 13:15

My fellas was so annoyed. I went to sleep crying.

How often does he make you cry?
How often does he kick off at you for no reason at all?
What are YOU getting out of this relationship with a bully?

JustKittenAround · 22/10/2022 02:59

KettrickenSmiled · 21/10/2022 13:13

I said I was sorry,
You need to stop doing that. The apologising I mean - I bet it's an engrained habit of appeasement to a nasty, bullying man.

Who the fuck does he think he is? It's not up to him to tell you who you are allowed or not allowed to hug. It's your body, your life, & your choice.

What would happen if you told him to stop bossing you around & imagining he's the boss of you?

This.

i say I’m sorry a lot as well, I hate when I do it and get so mad thinking about times I apologized to a man who didn’t deserve one… just so what? He’d stop being emotionally abusive. … just ridiculous.

OP you didn’t do anything wrong and I’d wonder how the hell he could confuse an embrace with an awkward hug? Like wut?

Bet he watches porn and that’s OK because it’s HIM…

Marmee53 · 22/10/2022 04:50

Me and hubby don't hug anyone of the opposite sex besides our family.

If a female stranger hugged him and he hugged her back, I would be annoyed.

HOWEVER, your partner is overreacting big time. He simply could have mentioned it and let it go. If he's making you feel so guilty to the point you're going to sleep crying, then that raises red flags for me.

Also, I realise it's normal for people to hug opposite genders regardless of whether they're strangers/friends/family etc. Me and my husband have an understanding. Unless this was a clear boundary you and your partner had set in place before, he can't be annoyed at you.

Fireballxl5 · 22/10/2022 05:00

Marmee53 · 22/10/2022 04:50

Me and hubby don't hug anyone of the opposite sex besides our family.

If a female stranger hugged him and he hugged her back, I would be annoyed.

HOWEVER, your partner is overreacting big time. He simply could have mentioned it and let it go. If he's making you feel so guilty to the point you're going to sleep crying, then that raises red flags for me.

Also, I realise it's normal for people to hug opposite genders regardless of whether they're strangers/friends/family etc. Me and my husband have an understanding. Unless this was a clear boundary you and your partner had set in place before, he can't be annoyed at you.

You have an understanding about hugging the opposite sex?
Weird.

Marmee53 · 22/10/2022 05:03

No, what's weird is people hugging strangers whether they're the same gender or not @Fireballxl5.

Icepinkeskimo · 22/10/2022 05:53

Marmee53 · 22/10/2022 05:03

No, what's weird is people hugging strangers whether they're the same gender or not @Fireballxl5.

Really?

When we get to being a society where people think it's "weird" to hug others, then compassion, affection and joy amongst other expressions make for a sad state of affairs.

A friendly hug, can make someone's day. Aloofness can ruin someone's day.

It would be a wretched soulless world if everyone thought a hug was "weird".

OP don't be sad or apologise for a slight hug, your partner overreacted. If it was the other way around would you act in a similar way to it? You may at worst be mildly irritated for all of 30 seconds, unless you happen to be a possessive, she bitch from hell which I'm sure your not.

I'd be concerned and regard your partners attitude as controlling, has he shown signs or behaved like this previously?

rainbowstardrops · 22/10/2022 07:15

frozendaisy · 21/10/2022 08:51

Oh my actual fucking god.

Tell him to piss off and grow up "you utter miserable controlling arsehole"

I would probably go further in "it's reactions like this that would make me want to hug others more I am a grown woman and I am not living a life of being frightened to touch another human because of how you might react you prick. So let me make this perfectly clear if you think you can react like this ever again just walk out the door now because I refuse to put up with this controlling shit from anyone and that includes you. Do this ever again and we're done, have I made myself perfectly clear"

And also, go and have a go at the "man" who hugged me, go on. Go and best your pathetic gorilla chest at him. Don't touch my woman type thing. Or won't you do that because he is a big important man and it's only timid little women you can make feel scared of you. My fucking hero.

You get the idea.
Basically he would be so sorry he had started this by the time I had finished.

@frozendaisy are you my long lost twin because this is exactly what I would have said to him too!!! 😁

Marmee53 · 22/10/2022 12:44

@Icepinkeskimo well yes in most cases it is weird. Unless you're providing comfort to someone I don't see why anyone would hug a stranger.

If someone I didn't know tried to hug me I'd be very uncomfortable.

Bigchanges2022 · 22/10/2022 12:48

If this is an isolated incident the maybe I wouldn’t think too much of it.

However it does seem an overreaction to me, I would be looking for other signs that he could be jealous and obsessive. A relative of mine became trapped in a relationship with a very jealous and controlling man, he became violent towards her.