Hi ladies. This is just being put out there to get off my chest. Before I get bashed I just wanna say. I will not be doing anything about this in any way. I just need it out. I've not had a great cards dealt to me some my own fault some not. I moved to my area 6 months after being in a treatment centre that I done 20 weeks in because of drugs. I lose my 4 month old when I was 20 and spiraled out of control.So when I moved to this area I wasn't really strong. I was trying to get on my feet and didn't know anybody and feeling a little out of sorts. A man locally started messaging me that I didn't know. He seemed ok but I was in no way attracted to him. Anyways he wouldn't really give up and kept talking after a couple of weeks I got used to him messaging me morning noon and night. We hooked up after some time and it became a regular thing but we had to keep it a secret from a ex or so he says. This actually went on for over two years. He told me that we shouldn't see anyone else but no one could know either. Now it wasn't that he was in a relationship because it is a small town everyone knows everyone and he definitely wasn't I know he wanted to keep he's options opened. We talked about him not wanting anything serious and I knew from day one but obviously as time went by I did start to have feelings. I tried to break it off a few times because I felt I would be really hurt in the long run I told him I was getting feelings. He would message me all day every day and I just couldn't let go. So two and a half years speaking all the time him staying in mine and vice versa we saw each other so often. Then literally out of the blue one day nothing a couple of days passed and nothing. Until I heard he was seeing a much younger girl almost 10 years younger. Literally in front of the whole town she moved in almost immediately. Now because of the whole secret I had to say absolutely nothing and to say I was heartbroken was an understatement. I never felt so let down and embarrassed by someone. I couldn't say a thing because no one else knew. I would look absolutely crazy. I just couldn't understand what was wrong with me he obviously was ashamed or just using me I don't really know. I really felt completely taken advantage of. He knew I wasn't really keen on anything so soon after treatment but he just suckered me in. Now I'm a grown woman and I can't believe I was so completely stupid. Soon after I met someone else who was absolutely so kind and nice and idolized the ground I walked on and jumped too fast into that because I was lonely and rejected and a mess.Didnt jump in straight away but figured even if I wasn't madly In love I did find someone who truly loved me. Thing is it really has mess up my whole self esteem and Im still holding on to it a good while later. I just can't seem to shake the whole thing even after so long. I really has damaged me as a person. Holding this and dealing with this alone really hasn't helped. How can an idiot like me get over this hurt.