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Original poster

OH liking womens photos. Relationship advice

14 replies

SamE1995 · 20/10/2022 19:05

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half now.

I was being nosey and looked at the 600+ tik tok accounts and 1000+ instragram accounts he was following.. over 50% of them were other womens accounts with videos or photos of them in very little clothing plus accounts advertising their only fans page.

I have told my boyfriend this makes me feel uncomfortable and I have asked him to unfollow them, he said he has no problem unfollowing them as my feelings are his main priority.

He still hasn't unfollowed them yet but I understand he is busy at work doing 60 hours a week so I don't want to nag him.

I couldn't help myself going through all the womens accounts again and noticed he had liked two photos of a woman in her underwear.

I found another account that he was following on instagram and tik tok, I scrolled through to the very first video/photo she posted and it was a month after we both got together so I know he followed these accounts whilst we were together.

I'm hurt he has been following these accounts whilst being in a relationship with me. I know I shouldn't of looked but I couldn't help myself and it's now made me feel like I'm not enough for him.

Am I right to feel unhappy about this or am I overreacting?

OP posts:
Humanswarm · 20/10/2022 21:16

You're feelings are valid. If they cross a line for you, they cross a line.
Ultimately, we all follow people, some we find attractive, some we don't. I don't think the historic accounts he followed are to be worried about. It's the ones since being in a relationship that would bother me. It just shows a lack of respect. But not everyone would see it like that, and we're all guilty of skimming through social media and liking things as we go.
Maybe a chat to say how it really makes you feel. Be explicit in your views. And then monitor the situation. If all else is good in your relationship, then don't let this one thing ruin it x

Original poster
SamE1995 · 20/10/2022 22:09

Humanswarm · 20/10/2022 21:16

You're feelings are valid. If they cross a line for you, they cross a line.
Ultimately, we all follow people, some we find attractive, some we don't. I don't think the historic accounts he followed are to be worried about. It's the ones since being in a relationship that would bother me. It just shows a lack of respect. But not everyone would see it like that, and we're all guilty of skimming through social media and liking things as we go.
Maybe a chat to say how it really makes you feel. Be explicit in your views. And then monitor the situation. If all else is good in your relationship, then don't let this one thing ruin it x

Thanks for your reply!

I'm worried on saying something about it as he'll know I've been nosey and gone through all the accounts he's followed if I brought up the liked photos and working out when he followed these accounts 😬

OP posts:
outtheshowernow · 20/10/2022 22:19

It's not very nice behavioural for a grown man who's In a serious relationship. It would give Me the ick to be honest.

CheezePleeze · 20/10/2022 22:23

How long have you been together OP?

I'm not sure you should get het up about a photo he liked when you'd only been together a month.

THisbackwithavengeance · 20/10/2022 22:25

How old is he?

What with a 60 hour working week and a relationship to pursue with an actual real live woman, you'd think he wouldn't have time to sit and scroll though sexy photos.

It truly is pathetic.

minticecreamisjustok · 20/10/2022 22:26

The kind of men that see women as such sexual objects to like and perve over while in a relationship, are the kind to not care what you think. He hasn't stopped doing it because he still wants to. Yes you have the right to feel unhappy about, but secretly putting up with this will erode your confidence even more. Do you really want to spend years worrying and analysing what he's up to?

Dacadactyl · 20/10/2022 22:28

This is out of order and I would not be in a relationship with a man like this. His behaviour is gross.

Discovereads · 20/10/2022 22:29

I guess I am a ‘cool wife’ but I couldn’t care less about my DH liking photos of women in underwear. I would also never monitor his internet activity like some controlling cyber stalker.

Dacadactyl · 20/10/2022 22:30

Also, I think it's sad that you are asking whether you are right to be unhappy about this.

You should realise that your thoughts and feelings should be respected.

Original poster
SamE1995 · 20/10/2022 22:56

CheezePleeze · 20/10/2022 22:23

How long have you been together OP?

I'm not sure you should get het up about a photo he liked when you'd only been together a month.

We've been together a year and a half. The two photos I seen he had liked was posted last month and this month.

One of the womens accounts was made a month after we got together so he has followed that account whilst we've been together.

OP posts:
Original poster
SamE1995 · 20/10/2022 22:57

THisbackwithavengeance · 20/10/2022 22:25

How old is he?

What with a 60 hour working week and a relationship to pursue with an actual real live woman, you'd think he wouldn't have time to sit and scroll though sexy photos.

It truly is pathetic.

We're both 27. I know he isn't going out of his way to look for them but they're accounts he has followed on tik tok/instagram so when he looks through them they will pop up.

OP posts:
Mom2K · 21/10/2022 00:25

I cannot and will not tolerate this behavior from men. I find it gross in general, and disrespectful to me. I'd honestly rather be single than deal with this. Chucked my ex husband over it and have no regrets. In my experience, there's often a lot more under the surface with these type of men.

You are not wrong to be unhappy and find this intolerable. It is how you feel. But I don't believe he is likely to stop. He might say he will and then continue and hide it or undermineyour feelings. I don't think this will get better - your values don't align, I think it will continue to cause problems.

Aikko · 21/10/2022 08:33

Your partner is most likely jerking himself off to the photos of the women he is following/liking on social media. It's grim.

If that crosses your line, get rid.

VictoriaSponge72 · 21/10/2022 08:41

Get rid. He’s an arse!

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