Nice Gesture or Creepy?

[PopTartsAreLife]

Looking for some objective opinions on this please!

For context I am naturally a gift giver. Like I'm meeting a friend, I'll take their favourite chocolates, something like that. Send things to my mum just because. Used to spontaneously get my (now ex) H gifts for no reason other than I was thinking of him, which always confused him. So I'm guessing that's one of my 'love languages' if you follow that stuff, however I genuinely don't ever expect gifts to be reciprocated. I just like choosing nice things I know the recipient will enjoy.

I've been casually dating someone for about 3 months. We are both aware that we aren't serious, we don't label it as dating, or FWB, gf/bf etc, we both have said we like each other and enjoy our time together, but due to our life circumstances we know it's not likely to end up being a serious thing as we have different paths ahead. We are enjoying it however long it lasts and happy with that.

Anyway an important day in his culture is coming up. He's expressed this day is more important than birthdays and he's not sure what he'll do. In his home country it would be a whole day of celebration with a family meal, friends coming and going whenever, open house type of feel, with drinks and gifts etc. Locally he has no friends of his culture or his family, they are all in his home country, he's in the UK. They have sent him gifts already for the day. My natural instinct is to have a nice, but not too expensive/showy gift, delivered to his home as he's mentioned he'll likely be off work. I also am off work but wouldn't just turn up uninvited with a gift. I also don't want to suggest I go over with a gift, if he invited me I would just take a gift with me, but can't assume he'll be inviting me round.

However as we aren't a couple as such, would sending a gift come off as needy, creepy, 'pick me', 'I'd be a great girlfriend' vibes or so on, or anything negative? Also thinking of my ex H's reactions, it was always negative to gifts so I stopped doing that, and consequently may be sensitive and overthinking about it. New bloke is a very reserved person and I'm 50/50 on if he'd be happy with getting it or if he'd feel like it's too intimate or overstepping for a casual relationship. What say you MNetters?!

If he was a friend who you weren't having sex with, would you get him a gift? If so, do that.

I think it sounds lovely and thoughtful especially when he's so far from his family and friends.

Small gift/card to mark the special day is a nice gesture.
Don't overthink it - it’s just a friendly and thoughtful thing

Why can't you suggest you go to his/he come to yours to celebrate this occasion and yes get him a gift? What is the occasion by the way?

Small and thoughtful, absolutely.

30 foot ice sculpture with life size ABBA holograms, nope.

Is it Diwali?

Would you get him a gift if it was his birthday?

Thank you, seems I was def overthinking!

Damn @HyggeandTea I'll cross ABBA holograms off my list then 

@saveforthat he gets very, very few days off so I don't want to assume he's just hanging around with nothing to do. He will be coming off a 10 day stretch of long shifts so will likely be catching up on sleep and if he has the energy will be trying to cram a lot into his one day off. Also I imagine will spend some time on video calls to family at home. I don't want to impose on him but of course if he has no plans I'll suggest treating him to lunch/dinner and just take a gift with.

@namechange3394 no not Diwali, it's something called a name day, which he mentioned is a much bigger deal than a birthday in his country. If it was a birthday I don't know what I'd do tbh as I've not been in this particular casual dating situation during a celebration/occasion period, so not really sure.

I've known people who celebrate name days as part of their culture and from what you describe it would be perfectly acceptable to get him a gift of some sort .

I think a gift is a bit odd in absence of other things. Why not ask if he wants to meet up for a meal that night? Not sure what celebration it is, but if something like Diwali or Eid, bring some appropriate sweets? I’d make it more a fun night than a gift.

I think so long as you've both talked about what you are and what you want from one another, its fine. its not 'pick me' if you've been clear you don't want a relationship.

That being said, be careful with fwb. Often you see them as a friend. They just see it as sex. That's why of you give a gift to a man when dating them ir shagging them and they àrent looking for a relationship, they can sometimes get weird. As if you've bloody proposed to them xD

But if he actually values you as a mate, a thoughtful gift should be fine. Nothing too pricey though.

If he reacts badly, you know to cut him loose.

I wouldn't be buying him a gift if you are just fwb. Isn't the whole point that it's just regular sex?

Ask him if he wants company on the day and whether a present would be welcome.

Yep, I thought it would be a name day and I can guess the country OP 😎
In my experience, yes they are generally acknowledged more so than a birthday (maybe because everyone knows your name, many people forget your birthday)
and little pot plants are very common. If he drinks, then a favourite tipple.
It won't be misconstrued as meaning anything other than best wishes, thinking kind thoughts etc 🙂🪴

For those of you saying we are FWB I said in the OP we are casually dating, not just FWB but not as serious as bf/gf, but we don't really label it. So does that change your answer? If we were just FWB I wouldn't be considering a gift, but if we were friends I would. And neither of us are planning on it being long term so it's not like I'm trying to be all sweet and do gf things, but my natural impulse is to get gifts be it just randomly or for special occasions.

Generally we care about each other and go on dates that don't always involve just hooking up, we do nice things for each other and have weekends away together booked and future dates planned etc, but haven't come across a gift situation with him before.

Btw the gift I was thinking is just some nice treats from his home country that are about £10-15 delivered, nothing too extravagant or personal, and I know he loves them.

I think it's a really nice idea and will show him you care and respect him.

Thank you @Justleaveitblankthen he has plenty of plants already and also much booze, so was thinking a nice sweet treat would be very welcome, if I do it!

Sounds like a nice idea. The only thing that strikes me is whether you’d like the relationship to become more serious? Because if so, you are allowed to communicate this! You seem very worried about not appearing too serious/keen.

I think a small inexpensive gift would be lovely.

@NCforthisoneo You are right, I definitely don't want to appear as too keen and am not wanting anything more than we currently have. Which is partly why I don't want him to read anything into it than it just being thoughtful/nice. He spends a lot of money on our dates as he never lets me pay unless it's just a cheap lunch, so I feel like although the gift isn't expensive, it's nice opportunity to get him something for a special day and for me to treat him for a change. But at the same time don't want to make things weird.