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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

feels like we're dating - but there's a backstory...

10 replies

namechangarama · 20/10/2022 17:32

Namechanged! Am early 50's and divorced. Recently I reconnected with an old friend from my hometown - he was in the same friendship circle as me in our late teens and early twenties. We always got on brilliantly and often friends would tease us about fancying each other. It felt a bit 'sparky' but I always put it down to us just getting on so well. We were always single at different times and nothing ever happened between us.

We eventually lost touch. I moved abroad and lived in a different country for years. He's divorced too. It's been lovely catching up again - we've been out for dinner a few times and it feels like there might be a glimmer of something between us - he's being pretty flirtatious and 'touchy' (in a nice way!)....

HOWEVER, thirty years (!) ago, I had a one night stand with his older brother. 😖My friend knew about this at the time, all a bit of a laugh, we were young...and it came up briefly in conversation the other night, so it's not like he's forgotten this happened! My question is - does this put me squarely in the friend zone?! Surely the fact of this, even though it was so long ago, feels a bit icky to him?

OP posts:
HirplesWithHaggis · 20/10/2022 17:36

He wouldn't be flirty if you were giving him the ick. Worth a try.

namechangarama · 20/10/2022 17:49

@HirplesWithHaggis - well, I do think there is a historic flirty vibe between us too, which complicates things a bit - it could just be how we are around each other. I guess I'm more interested if the older brother backstory automatically would automatically make a man think 'don't go there'.

(Aware that some blokes might just go ahead and have affairs with their sisters in law or best mate's wife or whatever, but if you're generally quite 'decent', I wonder how much this would matter.)

OP posts:
EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 20/10/2022 17:52

I think if it was just a ONS most blokes wouldn't be bothered.

If you'd dated the brother, that would be different, I think.

StrangerOnline · 20/10/2022 17:53

dont think that you would be getting flirty vibes if he thought you were a ‘no go area’.
And it’s a VERY long time ago…
Go for it, and have fun

pinkolu · 20/10/2022 17:56

StrangerOnline · 20/10/2022 17:53

dont think that you would be getting flirty vibes if he thought you were a ‘no go area’.
And it’s a VERY long time ago…
Go for it, and have fun

I think the same as this.

However it's also a bit strange that it's a been a few dates and he's still not made a proper "move". Usually you know if a guy is interested or not. Unless of course he's shy...

namechangarama · 20/10/2022 18:04

Well, good to hear it's not a total no go! I don't think I'd be incredibly bothered if my sister got together with someone I slept with (indeed a LONG time ago 😂) but somehow thought this would feel slightly different for men. Now sure why and probably generalising enormously....

@pinkolu - we've been out for dinner twice (once with a group, once alone) and he's keen to meet again. There's been a lot of catching up on each others' lives and taking about what went wrong in our respective marriages etc. I've got the attraction vibe for sure, but it's felt a bit early for making moves somehow!

OP posts:
namechangarama · 20/10/2022 18:07

'Not' sure why, I meant!

OP posts:
pinkolu · 20/10/2022 18:12

@namechangarama aw that sounds lovely. I had assumed it had been more one on one time but don't know why.

I'm sure if it was a no go he wouldn't be making the effort to have dinner just the 2 of you and discuss breakdown of marriages etc

Sounds really exciting 🤞🏼

Thisisworsethananticpated · 20/10/2022 18:48

30 years ago ?
that’s so long ago
not even worth contemplating

SunscreenCentral · 20/10/2022 19:33

When we are in our 50's, things are different. Our mindset is different.

go for it OP, he'd not be looking for another dinner-date if he was bothered about a ONS 3 decades ago.

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