OLD - How long should you txt before a first date?

[Mollymolloy]

Ok.. I have only been doing OLD for a couple of days. I started chatting with this bloke and we seem to have a lot in common.

There are some major red flags.. he seems to be around all day to chat. He has said that he was an investment banker and isn’t working anymore. He is supposedly 56. I am 51 and am still working full time.

He is very keen to meet up and wanted to meet up after the first day of txting. This is a bit odd…surely? He has suggested meeting up over the weekend for a drink.

What should I do?

I think the sooner you meet the better. Then you don't waste your time building up a fake text/online relationship to find out your not a match.

(You're). I think a chat on the phone is a good idea before meeting though.

Sounds flaky. Meet asap and be quite sceptical!

Agree with @Noluthando meet for coffee this weekend, treat it as a practice date, just getting out and chatting to a strange man! That way there’s no pressure for it to be good but if it goes well that’s a bonus.

Nothing worse than texting for weeks, getting on like a house on fire and then meeting to find they don’t look like their pics, there’s no spark or they just don’t turn up at all!

approach OLD with low expectations, no investment (coffee or one drink at the pub as a first date so just see it as £2-5 for an hours entertainment) and accept that you’ll probably have to meet 20-30 men to find a good one, so don’t worry if it doesn’t go amazingly!

Meeting asap is best. Go for it and try not to fantasise too much about the future. One step at a time. Dump at the first red flag.

Definitely sooner , my friend was messaging someone for 3 weeks , he was sending her nice little voice notes , messages , chats on the phone etc . They met up and yes they got on fine but my god he was sooooo needy so that was the end of that .

Meet as quickly as possible. Don't waste loads of time texting. If you're not keen in person then onto the next one.

Agree with meet as soon as possible in a very public place.
56 is not too young to retire if you've been a banker, they often burn out way before then, so that's not a bad sign, as long as he's not just down the bowling club/gardening centre/pub all day long?

Meet asap. For a strictly none alcoholic drink in the day time. Have plans with a friend for afterwards.
But before meeting 100% phone call & ideally video call.

i've worked in investment banks - and am 50s. Without a divorce I may well have packed it in by now (although I like the human contact of working)

He sounds bored to me which is why he's always texting during the day and wants to meet up so quickly.

Arrange to meet over the weekend for drinks - either a coffee in the middle of the day or if in a wine bar etc two drinks only and then off to "meet a friend for dinner".

There are some major red flags

Then don’t meet him.

What are the red flags? That he’s not working at 56? Or that he used to be an investment banker (more understandable 😉). I retired in my early 50s because wanted to and I had saved up enough to be able to. I’m not a retired investment banker though!

Unless he's retired early and has enough money to live well, it would be a red flag, him losing a job or quitting isn't the best time to be dating someone, that also says a lot about their character.

Meeting on the first day of talking, is a bit strange tbh, he must be quite desperate for company.

I would suggest a facetime call before meeting so that you can get a better feel for what he is like in person. I never meet a potential date without doing this first.

I know a few investment bankers who retired in their early to mid-50s. They’re generally well enough paid to afford it.

Confused about your ‘red flags’

• around all day to chat - it’s just phone/text… doesn’t mean he isn’t doing other things at the same time

• isn’t working anymore - as long as he’s solvent, why is that a problem?

• He is supposedly 56 - why do you doubt that?

• He is very keen to meet up - sounds like he has learnt the OLD lesson of lots of chat then no real connection when you meet…

Agree with PP, always best to meet as soon as possible. But don’t write him off in advance? Maybe you’re not really ready to date yet?

What do you think a red flag is?

I started talking to now DH on Wednesday, we met on the Sunday!

I didn't want to waste time talking online only to then meet and find we weren't attracted to each other (I'd experienced this with previous OLD's after speaking to them for weeks)

Video chat and then in person date.

A red flag for me on OLD is when they just want to keep chatting and not arrange a date.

I have zero interest in chatting to someone until I’ve met them in person, it’s just a waste of time and energy.

I have a tendency to forget to reply for online dating. It's like they are just a symbol until I meet them. I like doing a video call first and that makes me remember. So the sooner the better, but I don't like it too soon (like after a day or two). A week is perfect.