Friendship or not to Friendship… I’m lost!

[RaffiMum]

I have a male friend and things have gotten. Little complicated

To start with even though he lives abroad we work at the same company.

I meet him whilst I was also working abroad, we are both single after I moved back to the UK texts sometimes got flirtatious

Whilst over visiting friends this year, we met up and one thing lead to another, we didn’t do ‘the deed’ but other things, on the clear basis that no feelings would be involved…

After I came home we carried on being friends and texts hinted that a repeat was on the cards but again no feelings - which we both, well me 100% is the case

Three weeks ago, he told me he is dating to which I was so happy for him, ‘that’ side of our relationship stopped no questions asked.

But not just these weeks I have often felt our friendship is one sided (from me) I am the one who keeps in touch because he is hopeless and 50% of the time won’t even reply. I treat him with little gestures and gifts (as I do for all my friends)

We have plans for a night of catch up (platonic of cause as he is seeing someone) for my birthday next month when I visit again.

I find out today that after telling me is on annual leave chilling at home abroad, that he has flew back Uk home (we come from the same town) but didn’t tell clearly he cause he didn’t want to see me (usually we meet for dinner)

It has really broke my heart as it feels cruel to avoid someone like that.

If he had been honest and say hey I don’t have time… I would have said no matter… seeing you soon anyways!

It’s the fact he has lied.

I keep a tight group of friends as I have a fear of rejection after suffering following the loss of my mum and Nan to cancer

I let him in, but it feels like he just wants our friendship for when I’m doing stuff that benefits him.

I today decided to block him, but the funny thing is… he won’t even notice

were not kids (should know better) both early 40’s

I would appreciate someone on the outsides view please

Be nice x

You are insisting on the fact that there are 'no feelings' on your side, but there clearly are, and they sound quite complex...? Were you ever proper close, platonic friends without a spark of sexual feeling when you worked together in the same place? Because it seems to me as if things went from mildly flirtatious colleagues to having sex with the idea that you might repeat it, to him telling you he's dating someone else and then concealing the fact that he's visiting your town. He may well be right to want to draw a line under things, because you sound as if you're potentially being very hurt. Protect yourself, OP, and don't pretend to yourself that this feeling of rejection has nothing to do with the fact that you went to bed together.

Thank you so much for your reply.

Yes we were very good friends without any spark. I think when you live away from family your friendship bubble becomes family.

The flirting came after 2 years of friendship. We never crossed into having sex, close but we don’t move to that stage.

I think he is trying to protect and respect his new relationship.

it's obvious that you have feelings for him but he is now in a relationship. From what you have said - its you who is driving the friendship and it is not so enthusiastically reciprocated on his part. In the kindest way you are hoping for a relationship and he isn't. It sounds like he has now put boundaries in place to respect his new partner.

I think you like him a bit more than friends and he probably respecting the person he dating. It does seem one sided and time to let him go.
You have hurt yourself getting to close to him.
I am going through something similar and he see you as what you saw him as. If he serious about this person he dating shouldn't you just be happy for him. How would he explain this kind of thing to her. You not friends not even f buddies. Maybe your just some work colleague that's it.