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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My best friend is in an awful relationship and I don’t know how to help

5 replies

struggling78 · 19/10/2022 14:48

When I say her boyfriend is vile, I mean he is vile. He has recently been to court for assaulting someone (he got off not guilty though). He talks down to her so much, calls her a whore/c*/scumbag. Always accuses her of cheating every time she’s out, calling her an awful human being. Says things like “dunno why I even keep you around, trash” and “women would be nothing to us if they didn’t have vaginas”.

Everytime we go out as a group of friends, he always ruins the night for her even when he’s not there, by texting her abuse or accusing her of all sorts. She always has to lie about where she is in case he kicks off, and she always ends up crying everytime we do something. It’s so heartbreaking to see.

In general she’s also had complaints from neighbours about him smoking weed, or driving recklessly and noisily outside.

It’s so hard to watch, because she’s so young (22) and is so so lovely successful and beautiful. She could honestly be with anyone she wanted, and I’d love for her to thrive with someone lovely.
But it’s so hard to find the balance of giving her advice and supporting her in her decisions.
She always says she is done and tired of it but then can’t find the strength to leave him.

Me and my other friends are at a complete loss and my heart breaks more for her every day. So what can I do?

OP posts:
ColeensBoot · 19/10/2022 14:54

Help her find that strength, or support her to get it.

Flowersintheattic57 · 19/10/2022 14:59

The only thing you can do is be there for her. Listen for a while and then talk about other things. One thing I’ve learned to do , is reflect back what’s been said as in ‘ so you did all the things he asked and he was still pissed off? Sounds like nothing pleases him.’ So I’m not criticising him or her, just reflecting back what was said. She dumped him in the end but it took several years.

WhiteChocMocha · 19/10/2022 15:02

What's your friend's self-esteem like?

Is she perhaps one of those people that likes to be there for others no matter what and be extremely forgiving/ worried about what the guy would be like without her?

What does the guy bring to the table/ what attracted her to him to start with?

Sounds like a horrible relationship to be in and can understand your urge to get involved 🤗

EndlessMagpies · 19/10/2022 15:29

Do you know her parents, or any other adult relatives?

She needs all the support she can get, by the sound of it.

Reliablemagicspells · 19/10/2022 17:01

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