Going LC

[getthetissues]

I'm always trying to go LC with family due to tensions and disagreements with them but I find if I try and go LC they will all then try and email me or text me with a sudden urgent question. They can't seem to leave me completely alone but likewise I don't feel part of the family or receive and kindness or respect. It's almost like they want to see a rise out of me. How do I deal with this?

Could you let them know ? tell them you have not liked the way the family dynamics have been going and just want some space for a while ?

Be pleasant polite and don't rise to drama

Is LC low contact?

Or do you mean no contact?

Think about the worst case scenario. So say you didn't speak to them, answer door to them, phone, email, messenger, just flat out ignored them for 5 weeks.

What would be the worst thing they could do to you?

Once you've thought about this think whether you can handle that happening to you. You probably can, they probably can't really do anything at all. And if you can handle the worst then you should just make a plan and implement it.

If you mean low contact choose what and when you will engage and outside of this simply ignore, or state your boundaries but don't elaborate, just state 'I won't be answering my phone to you again this week, have a nice week'

I find that making a plan then implementing is easiest, instead of thinking as you go because then your doubts will cause you to abandon what you wanted to do.

Yes I want to go very low contact. So only to communicate about say a funeral or death of someone.

Okay so decide what you will communicate on.
You can let them know or not.

When you get contact from them if it's not about the thing you agreed with yourself you would communicate on, consider simply ignoring them? Or you could fire back a quick statement of your boundaries.

So my friend did similar with his family, his dad called him, he messaged back 'I prefer texting right now, what do you need?'

You have to get used to holding your boundaries as paramount. So stating them, perhaps repeating that, but nothing gets past what you've put in place with yourself. This is why making that decision is so important otherwise your boundaries are weak and they can get around them.

Dysfunctional families assign different roles to the various family members. It seems that you have been assigned a role that you don't want to play any more, so by removing yourself from the family "theatre" you are upsetting the dynamic.

Toxic families cause all sorts of upsets and can be deeply damaging. If you want to go very low contact (which from your description is pretty much no contact unless there's a death in the family or similar), then that is entirely your right to do so.

You can either tell them, "I don't want to have anything to do with you any more please leave me alone", then go NC. Or you just do it and stop responding to them. Either way, it will upset them. But that is not your fault.

Please read about FOG (fear, obligation and guilt). There is a website called Out Of The Fog you might find helpful. You will also need to learn about emotional detachment, where you can detach from all their tangled-up emotions and start working towards a healthier future.

Going NC is hard, but in cases of toxic family dynamics, it's worth it.