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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Tell me about your divorce outcomes….

4 replies

WhatsTheStoryThisTime · 18/10/2022 13:20

A bit nervous about my impending divorce. ExH is a high earner via a limited company and will play dirty.
I know that every divorce outcome is different, but interested to hear some stories.
Did you get what you expected? Was the split 50/50?

OP posts:
Dacquoise · 18/10/2022 14:56

If you are going through court it is very difficult to predict the outcome, depends on the judge's preferences regarding financial settlements which have very wide parameters. Remember he's probably more worried than you about the possible outcome.

I went through this twice, first time in 2012, I started proceedings to focus my exH who, likes yours was a high earner, and liked to play games. This encouraged him to agree to a consent order for joint lives spousal maintenance which was ratified by the court. I have been told the door closed on joint lives settlements around then. Maintenance is not a foregone although it may be awarded for a set period if funds are available.

There weren't a lot of assets despite his earnings as he was terrible with money and in control of our finances. He did manage to shaft me of an equal pension share by manipulating the IFA report - didn't give access to final salary pensions and limited the amount spent on the report. Also didn't declare shares he was holding.

Then five years later took me back to court to get rid of the maintenance. Total farce as no change in circumstances, he was actually earning more , although he didn't disclose his reasons for the action and it ended up in three final hearings on his instructions. All down to petty revenge and the failure of an elaborate fantastical scheme to bully me into giving up the maintenance. You couldn't make up the ploy he concocted.

I successfully defended myself (used a direct access barrister for the hearings), asked for and was awarded a clean break settlement of pension funds as I was close to age 55, much less than the value of the maintenance but enough to early retire on and never have to deal with him again. This was down to my own determination to break free, my barrister advised ongoing maintenance but I knew this would be a merry-go-round if I didn't end it. Overall I probably ended up with around 50% which is less than I was entitled to but I have had the freedom to move on with another happy relationship. I believe he's going through his second divorce now so won't be left with much as she had no assets when they married.

Not sure of your age, but my advice to you would be to try to get a clean break settlement if you can, even if you have to take it as pension share. These sorts resent giving you anything, it's all theirs in their mind and they can torment you by repeated visits to court which are eye-wateringly expensive. Make sure you use an actuary to assess pensions if necessary, especially if there's final salary pensions involved. Also check out shares. Good luck!

JangolinaPitt · 18/10/2022 14:59

Similar here so no help but watching with interest and trepidation

lbzbean · 18/10/2022 20:52

Great news, you are about to become an owner of half a limited company!

Notadramallama · 19/10/2022 14:33

No children involved and my cheating ex was a higher earner. I got half of everything including his pension. Took twelve months for him to agree.

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