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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Acceptable?

27 replies

Confusedwife10 · 18/10/2022 13:04

My husband and I have been married ten years and been together for over sixteen. I met as teenagers and went to university together. During our time at uni, he well as far as I know kissed another girl and I seven months into our relationship bearing in mind, we were eighteen, slept with an ex boyfriend. My husband and I were off and on at this point and that in now way justifies my behaviour. The tryst with the ex boyfriend maybe lasted three weeks, I cut all contact and my husband and I hashed through uni and came out the other side, still together. I could feel in early 20s, our relationship getting more serious so I decided to tell my husband about the affair when I was eighteen. He was furious and understandably I just had to wait and see if he still wanted to be with me. I decided to move away to do a post grad and we would be long distance for a year and I suppose to give him the freedom to finish it. I took ownership, fully accepted that it was crappy behaviour. He didn’t end it and since then we have been in totally honest and committed relationship and then marriage with children coming along. To now. Husband had a year long affair with work colleague, blamed it on me and said that I deserved it because of what happened when we were younger. Understandably, I am v confused and feel I deserved to us in some way.

OP posts:
inheritanceshiteagain · 19/10/2022 11:44

He's totally in the wrong. You weren't committed to him when you were 18 but he is supposed to be committed to you now.

Personally I'm against all this 'confess all' shit. All you've done is given him an excuse to gaslight you into thinking your behaviour was the same as his. You did nothing wrong at the time but he has now. I'm in the LTB camp because infidelity is a red line, and guilt tripping you another.

supercali77 · 28/11/2022 11:26

Hah. Very good 'husband'. You gave him the opportunity to be 'out' of marriage and children by telling him about it beforehand. and he chose 'in' . Thats his choice, it belongs to him. 3 weeks in an on and off thing as a teen is in no way comparable to a year long affair with children involved. I would eviscerate him for trying to use this to get out of being a raging arsehole

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