Has anyone read Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist & what action did it prompt?

[wishihadcake]

Just that really. I read this book (by Margalis Fjelstad) & it does describe a lot of my experience with my partner. (I gather from reading online reviews that some people feel she is a bit free with the diagnoses & not fair to people who are suffering mental illness but I'm not qualified to know.) I feel I have already taken some of the action she recommends to try to limit the drama, but could do more. But when you get to the end of the book it does seem to suggest leaving is the only option if you want a real relationship & not to be constantly putting up boundaries & enforcing them...which doesn't seem a massively fun way to live. Has anyone else read this & taken action as a result?

Not read the book, but that's probably right - you can either tolerate them or leave, you're not going to cure them.

I agree. Although it is incredibly sad that they are that way due to (very often) having had a narcissist as their primary care-giver.

Yes. I guess another option would be not to try to cure them but to get them to want to change themselves.

My sister is Borderline- and I feel so trapped. Like I am responsible for her happiness- her boyfriend of 18 months just broke up with her and she's going through heartbreak and i'm getting bombarded with texts about how she feels - it's like i'm feeling the same feelings- I don't know how to break free! I really feel for her and worry about her but it's robbing me of any joy. ARHG!

Yes. I guess another option would be not to try to cure them but to get them to want to change themselves.

If you can figure out a way to do this, you should write your own book.

It's what pretty much every partner of a difficult person tries, sometimes for years, before proceeding to follow the advice in the book (which is simply basic relationship health advice) to a) enforce strong boundaries consistently and if that doesn't work, b) leave.

Yes…@CheekyHobson I am coming to that conclusion. (This thread is from nearly 2 months ago.)

I tried having a relationship with BPD as I believed I could help them/they would change.

It was impossible, they just took and took and we're always the victim (in a really nice way, they were very lovely in lots of ways).

Luckily they couldn't keep monogamous (luckily, because that is a strong boundary I do have) and so I did manage to finish things and get away as they were making me more and more unhappy.

Hopefully I learnt a lesson, but it was all incredibly painful.

They don't change, you do (and in my case, not for the better and I was getting depressed being around them).