Managing expectations of friendships with other mum's

[Dref]

Could anyone please give me their experiences or thoughts on this issue I have please:

I have an 8 and 6 year old and since they started school have been in a group of four mum's; we all have other mu friends that intersect but one reason I thought we were a cohesive group of sorts is because our children are similar ages and have been playmates with each other, and we do things like celebrate our birthdays with each other etc. However, I often find they share information about extra-curricular clubs, coffees etc with each other and I don't hear of these things. I won't bore people with the various scenarios, I am sure everyone can imagine the types of situations e.g. I see two of them waiting for the other outside the school gates for a coffee, I haven't heard about it, even though we are in a WhatsApp thread. So how do they share this info? At the previous coffee? Individually by text? Anyway, it has got to the point that I am thinking that I am either being marginalised for some reason or another, OR, I have had ideas about our closeness that are not shared. One thing I will add is that whilst we are all educated, I am the only one living in an ex council house. Could this be it? There is also a (expensive) street WhatsApp group that two of them are in because they are residents on this street. Also, my son is close to one of the other children and lately both children have said they want to see more of each other, and the reason they haven't is because his mum is constantly organising events with other kids in mind. She recently mucked me around with some childcare arrangements but was very apologetic afterwards, and it seemed sincere. Has anyone been on either side of this kind of situation?

I used to get upset about school mum dynamics/friendships and I can say now that both of my children are secondary school age that these friendships are often more situational and sometimes strategic.

The children will often gravitate to other children or fall out which then changes the mum friendships.

It can be quite fickle. At the time i was upset by it but now I look back and wonder what I wasted my energy on. Many of the friendships are not maintained

Thanks SAH07. I know what you mean. When I look back on any past friendshpips I also wonder why I got upset. By strategic, do you mean trying to gain status or something similar?

I agree with SAH07 keep your own friends too. I had 2 in primary kids have nothing in common now. Sad but people move on. Teens now. Polite hello to mams thats it. Maybe op they know each other longer if they meet seperate. Def so fickle

Thanks Mary46. We have all known each other same amount of time, although two share a similar language so more in common there anyway.

Sigh. I can't help feel there is some snobbiness at play, even if it's unconscious. And then, they mine me for information on the things I am doing for my kids when they want it.

I know its hard. I gelled with my daughters year mams, sons year not as much. Sometimes the mothers can be harder work lol.

Actually, Mary46 you're right. I probably spend more time online trying to fathom these dynamics than anything to do with kids sleep eating etc these days. I think basically, unless I can imagine camping with them for a week, I know what category to place them into!