Crunch talk tonight - how do we address our problems effectively?

[ElrondsEars]

BF and I due to have a ‘crunch talk’ this evening as I have doubts about the relationship and he wants to talk them through. Typically when I raise issues, he is really reassuring and some things change for a little while, or else he gets very emotional which makes me feel bad and I tend to back off and let things slide.
This time feels different - there are things that have been building up for a while now and I’m at the point where I need clarity and proper reassurance, otherwise I don’t feel like the relationship can continue.
How do I keep the conversation on track to give us the best chance of a proper resolution?

Do you forget what you want to say? Would it be worth writing down your thoughts. I know I get really “deer in headlights” then can’t remember what I wanted to say.

You've talked about things before and it's still not working. Perhaps this simply isn't the relationship for you and it's time to stop wasting your time. You may love him but that doesn't mean this can work.

Be clear going into the conversation about your boundaries. Then discuss what's been going on.
You don't need to say: I have a boundary here and if you don't change xyz I'm off! But you need to explore with him whether xyz can in fact change (or is it outside his own boundaries or capabilities) - and if not then communicate where you stand clearly, firmly.
Sounds easy. It's not.
Good luck.
Sounds like you might need to make a hard decision to find greater happiness

Write stuff down so you don't get side tracked

Use language like 'this makes me feel' rather than 'you do this'

You are also entitled to have any feeling you want. If he upsets you by doing x, that's ok, you're entitled to feel this way.

Have a clear picture of what you want the outcome to be

Out timescales on it and agree to talk about it again in a certain time frame

In your heart of hearts do you want the relationship to work ? Or are you putting off the inevitable because you are afraid of the consequences of splitting up? If you do want it to work, what do you want the relationship to look like?
How can you get there? What does he have to do? What do you have to do? Be really clear before you go into the conversation what you want to say to him.

This plus try to take all emotion out of it. Don't raise your voice, talk over each other or interrupt. Listen and respond thoughtfully.