Fear for my future

[implodedlife]

I'm a woman (53) with a DH of 10 years and a DS (15). I'm feeling quite conflicted and hopeless about my future. It's half term and I'm currently sitting in our caravan, on a lovely trip in an area selected because it has something for everyone, organised, as usual, by me. Because nothing ever happens if I don't organise it. They would happily both spend their lives at home sat on their arses either on screens, or my DH would be doing his own thing. I can understand this from the teenager, even if I find it frustrating, but not so much from DH. I know DS will be off in the world doing their own thing soon enough, but what then? Do I just organise trips by myself for me and the dogs for the next 20 years or more? I don't have many close friends so that's not really an option. I'm so tired of feeling like I'm dragging the family around, when I just want a life that has a few wee holidays/weekends away and nice adventures with the people I care about. Anyone been in this situation and found a way forward? Been looking at online groups for solo women campers/caravanners in case that's a thing. But also thinking that this is basically a reflection on the fact that DH and I don't have a particularly connected relationship anyway so maybe divorce is the real answer. But that also looks like a pretty lonely and depressing future. Am I wanting too much?

Have you spoke to your husband about how you’re feeling? Sometimes people just get set in their ways and stuck in a rut, especially if they’ve always had someone who does everything for them.

maybe he just needs a wake up call?

Its normal behaviour for the teenager.

Go make some friends. I’m younger than you and my families younger than you but me and my friends tow our tourers to haven sites usually with the kids and have a great time minus the grumpy old buggers who’d rather be in the pub playing darts. It’s only one part of your life that’s separate and that’s fine

I think you have to weigh up the loneliness from being with someone like that or the loneliness of being totally alone. Either could be worse depending on the person.

There are arguments for staying and doing your own thing.

But you could start a whole new life once child moves out. Plan for it now. Save for it. A new home, make yourself a social life which is easier than ever in the modern world, around whatever your interests are from knitting to hiking there will be groups of people to come together with. You could even find love again.

Or stay and do those things anyway, whichever makes your life easier really. If he's checked out then he made that decision alone. I'd make my decisions alone on that basis.

Thanks to all who responded. @mavismorpoth you are very right - which is the loneliest option? TBH our relationship isn't great for either of us, but the idea of changing everything at our stage of life is pretty daunting. But living in a disconnected relationship for the next 30 years is also a bit crap. Lots to think about.

@TuneBackIntoLove I did see your response before it was taken down, good to know I'm not alone in my current emotional state!

It might be daunting to make changes, but then 20-30 years more like this is probably pretty daunting too.

Maybe it's worth concentrating on building more friendships over the next couple of years, and seeing where you are relationship-wise after your dd's a-levels? (If the relationship is OK and non-destructive in the meantime.)

Sorry, DS.