Sex...

[FeelLikeShitAtTheMomentTBH]

If you have had generally crap sex and relationship experience/long periods of being single, how did you deal with having a positive sexual experience after crap ones for so long?

I'm finding it very difficult tbh. I feel completely out of my depth 😪 I know what I like, to a degree, but after years of no sex or just them rolling on, grunting for a bit and rolling off again, I feel like I have nothing to draw on. Not even a starting point.

I just feel completely inexperienced and have no confidence.

I think I'm probably just really crap in bed and don't have the confidence to get any better 😕

Firstly, know your limits and what you won’t do, and stick to it. Don’t do something to keep a man.
Then self exploration. If you know what does it for you, you can guide him tnere.

That's the thing. It's not really about me. I've spent a lot of time single. I know what I like and I'm quite comfortable guiding someone else.

I've just lost all confidence when it comes to reciprocating. I don't feel comfortable trying something I haven't done before (even if I'm not uncomfortable about the act itself). I don't feel confident that I would be any good at it. I don't feel sexy or attractive and frankly, I just feel a bit ridiculous even bothering with the whole thing ☹

It's just that my experience is pretty limited.

I've tried a few positions over the years. There are a couple I don't like and a couple that I don't mind if the other person wants to but it does nothing for me. I prefer to be on top but there are so many that I haven't even tried and just can't imagine executing.

I know my boyfriend would like me to dress up - pretty standard stuff - nice underwear and stockings but the thought of it makes me feel unattractive, unsexy and puts me off. Not because I have an issue with it particularly but because I don't think he has any idea how unattractive I would look dressed like that! I know because I tried once 20+ years ago because I thought I'd surprised then boyfriend but looked at myself in the mirror and thought who.am I kidding? And didn't bother.

I was a lot more attractive 25 years ago than I am now! I just can't imagine anyone looking at me and finding me desirable anyway.

I don't want him to look at me having made an effort and be disappointed. I don't want to not measure up to his expectation.

I know I'm making his all about his needs but I'm getting mine met. He isn't. I feel like he has said stuff 'in passing' whereas I am more direct at the time. He doesn't give me any guidance or cues, I think because he doesn't want to 'upset' me but because he's never done so, it means I feel I'm in the dark.

@FeelLikeShitAtTheMomentTBH

he is with you so finds you attractive.
give it a bash??

I think you need to have this conversation with him...to whatever extent you're comfortable initially. Good communication is really important...if he's a good man he'll make the effort to understand and reassure you.

Re dressing up...choose some nice lingerie that you like and feel good in to start with, rather than the contrived suspender and stockings look. Even an attractive chemise or robe or a prettier version of something you'd usually wear.

I'd really recommend checking out or asking for advice on the Sex thread here. There are a few silly buggers but also some really kind, knowledgeable people who know what they're talking about.

MintyCedricHereWeGoAgain

Tbh, I'd feel ridiculous even doing that. I've just lost all confidence in myself..particularly over the past couple of months 😕

I don't feel attractive or sexy in useless and it's really difficult to fake.

This thread just sort of fizzled. Did you get what you needed out of it OP? How have you fared since last October? Hopefully better than you were. I’d be happy to engage with you if this is still something you would like to have other opinions on.

I have onli gadvtwo sexual relationships. The first one was in my mid 40s
I knew nothing really. I realised after he went off with someone else how selfish he had been sexually. I was up for anything but he was not that bothered. I felt like a sexual predator. I had lost 10 stone before I met him and although I felt better than I ever had,loose skin was a feature. I never felt sexually confident. Some time later,I.met a man who was really into me. He was affectionate,thought I was the best thing since sliced bread. He was concerned with my pleasure-that was a revelation. I wore sexy underwear because it made me feel good. He obviously enjoyed this. He had onli had partners. He said we could explore things together. Our sex life was good,I released my inner goddess. What I am saying is enthusiasm is really attractive. Treat this relationship as an opportunity to explore.

Meant to say he had onli had 2 partners.before we were intimate I told him I did not put up with selfish sex.he had been in a relationship without much affection. We both found what we wanted in our relationship.

I believe there are simply three rules to sex...
1- ask what they want you to do
2- do what you're comfortable with
3- don't be afraid to ask how to be better

Do those things and you're set!

It seems here like you are your own worst enemy... but you forget, he wants to be with you, he wants to see you that way, and he wants to do those things with you. Asking him what he likes is a start to pleasing him, and asking him what you can do to improve means it will only get better.

Hopefully he does the same for you, as sex should always be a two-way street!

Those who don't feel attractive, try a massage from a masseur who knows what he is doing. It can boost confidence sky high .

Easy answer... ask.

😁😉