Hate my partner

[sarah8484]

Im really starting to hate everything about dp. He is so lazy, selfish and self centred. We have 3 dc and he only helps out on the days im at work. On the days im off im the 'default' parent and do it all. Im literally a single mum in a relationship. If i say you need to help more with chores or children so i can have a break it turns into an argument where im a crazy bitch and a bad mum. Then we don't speak for days and he just stays out the way still doing nothing. He has got worse with each child. I need to leave but feel stuck. Anyone ever left dp? How did you go about it?

So he's not just lazy he's abusive.
Not surprised you hate him.
Being a single mother is far less sh1t than being with an arsehole, I can confirm that is a fact.
X

You start by finding somewhere to live without your DP.

What are your living arrangements at the moment? Whose name is the house/lease in?

@DenholmElliot1 we live together in his grandparents house. So it would be me having to go, he wouldn't leave because it's 'his family home'. I have started saving and parents will help financially if i ask and ive been looking for a property to rent but im worried about starting from scratch. I know ill be fine raising dc alone because im doing it on my own now anyway. But it's just so scary. Im so unhappy though. I know i need to go for not only my sake but children. My eldest isnt happy either and it breaks my heart.

It sounds like it's relatively easy for you to leave then. It's good that your parents can help you out. Can you quietly make plans to leave - I wouldn't tell him, especially if he gets angry. Just go when you're organised and then message him and tell him it's done.

Have a look on entitled to to see what you are able to claim for and you will also be eligible for child maintenance so include that in your costings.

The thing about starting from scratch is that the sooner you start it, the quicker it won't be.

Call your local council, tell them your in an abusive relationship and they will help you.
They may offer a refuge if you are in immediate danger, but they may also help you with a deposit to privately rent and furnishings to get you setup

If your not comfortable calling them go to the national abuse helpline website and send them a message, you can specify how and when they contact you back.

I think you'll be surprised how much help and support is available for you.

I contacted them and they helped me leave my abusive relationship last November.
I've recently moved into my new home after 9 months in a refuge.

You don't need to stay there and go through this anymore, there's a way out for you.

Good luck x

@DenholmElliot1 Thank you for your advice

@MumE78 Thank you. I will look into what you have suggested. I just dont 'feel' in an abusive relationship so thought they'd be no help for someone like me but will definitely contact them to see if they can offer me any support.

You are doing the right thing, absolutely, @sarah8484. The feeling of relief once you get in your new space — and it’s peaceful! — will be huge. With this kind of behaviour, no need to talk about it IMO. It’s gone too far, for too long. Quietly go about setting up your new life, even get your place and move some stuff in, decorate over a weekend, and then move the kids. This is the hardest bit. You can do it!

I wouldn't call your relationship abusive either. There is a fine line though, between a toxic relationship and an abusive one.

Of course it's abusive. He calls her a crazy bitch and bad mother and turns everything back on her when she dares to pull him up on his behaviour. It's verbally abusive.

I did also read (on mumsnet) something that made a lot of sense to me. That a partner who leaves everything to you is abusive, because they are taking unfairly and inordinately of your time, emotional resources, and sponging off you. A partner who takes all available free time is abusing you. They are controlling what you can do with your time, while living as a free agent at your expense. If time and emotional resources were money and one partner kept most of it unfairly, that would be abusive. I don't see this as much different.