Is the marriage over already

[KCFinn]

Hi everyone,
I'm not sure if there's even a point to this post other than a bit of a vent or even if anyone had an opinion on the subject. Basically myself and my husband have only been married since May and ever since we got married he just won't talk to me or engage in conversation. We have two children aged 2 and 1 there is 11 months between them and he works full time and I am on extended leave from work. He works Monday to Friday and goes to the gym 3 nights a week and I stay at home with the boys. I have just noticed that as the weeks have gone on he is ignoring me more and more, if I try to talk to him he just does a fake laugh or says oh very good, he replies to me with one word messages, if I walk into the room he's in I've noticed him rolling his eyes or sighing. Obviously I've brought this up but the response is just him saying "why are you looking at me so".
Since we got married we haven't gone anywhere together, my parents booked us a mini honeymoon for 3 nights in a really nice hotel and he cancelled it because he got the dates mixed up and booked a weekend away with his friends. He has been on 8 trips away with his friends since our wedding to various matches etc but 3 times I've booked dinner reservations for us and ended up cancelling because he didn't want to go. My parents are always offering to babysit so we're not stuck for help. We have a wedding next week I had to decline because he didn't want to go and I rearranged the honeymoon for Halloween week and when I brought it up yesterday he just said "god were not still going to that are we"?!. It's like any plans involving me he doesn't want to do. I've done date nights in suggestions, day date plans and all cancelled. Every single time I go to hug him he will literally push me away and say stand back please, when I get frustrated then he's calling me names like mental, weird, annoying and accusing me of wanting to start arguments. The last few months he keeps calling me and saying I'm so sorry but today I saw a woman and I was staring at her and I was thinking about her then all day but I love you. I know it sounds strange but he does it daily, like oh I'm so sorry when we were having sex this woman from work popped into my head. I just feel so depressed and of course the knock on effect is I don't want to get dressed up to go out because I know he doesn't want to go anywhere with me. Could I just have some bit of advice or an opinion on this.

For reference, I know it's hard working full time, it's tiring, having a family is expensive, I am on paid leave and I pay for groceries, baby things, small bills like the bins and internet and it's still a lot of pressure for him but I can't keep forcing conversation, being ignored, he won't hold my hand, won't touch me at all unless it's the one day a week he wants sex. We've always had an up and down relationship but we always did things together like cinema, weekend breaks, movie nights etc we just had fun together . Now I just go to bed every night with the babies at 8.30 because he sits in the front room with the door closed out watching TV.

I have also asked him if everythings ok, if he's feeling down, if something is bothering him, did I do something and all he says is to stop looking to create problems, there's nothing wrong with him and to stop telling him how he's feeling. I just know that it isn't normal behaviour for a newlywed couple.

So sorry OP you are being abused. This pig of a man is treating you disgustingly and totally eroding your self esteem.

Your situation is intolerable. This relationship is over. Can you leave with the children and go to your parent's or ask him to leave?

You deserve so much more. Find your anger and get rid of him.

Sorry to read this OP. Who wanted to get married in the first place? Both of you, you or him?
He’s living the life of a single man, not a married father.
It seems that he doesn’t want his new role and wants to be young, free and single.
He’s also gaslighting you, his wife and mother of his kids. This makes him an arsehole.
Can you afford to live alone with the kids?

Agreed - he sounds awful

OP, you need to leave this 'man'. What he is doing is cruel and abusive. I see the word abusive bandied about on MN often but this is the very definition of it.

You sound like you have a very nice Mum & Dad, why not take them up on that babysitting offer but stay too, tell them what's going on, get a support system in place and move from there.

That man you married is going to end up ruining every fibre of self esteem you have, don't allow him to do so.

Christ alive, no wonder you feel anxious, he is doing a right number on you. This is real, it is happening, and it is not your fault. You're not bringing it on yourself, there is nothing that you could be doing to justify him behaving like this. If he's out he needs to say so and deal with it rather than dragging you this cruel and twisted behaviour.

Use your parents babysitting help to get some help for yourself, try and find a therapist you can speak with and go through what is happening and get things a bit clearer, and connect with some friends, try and build yourself up to counteract him trying to tear you down.

Make a plan to get away from him, don't let your kids spend their childhood watching this.

Don’t be embarrassed. This has happened to a few people I know. A close friend was with her now exh for 12 years before they married and she left him 6 weeks after the wedding. Don’t let a little embarrassment stop you from leaving him, which is sounds like you need to do. He doesn’t respect you and it doesn’t sound like he loves you if he’s actually speaking about other women like that. Sounds like he wants you to have a reaction and he definitely wants you to feel bad bout yourself. Do not give him that power. Make plans to leave ASAP

OP, don't make my mistake of trying to fix the marriage when it was him that needed fixing.
Please get your ducks in a row now ready to file for divorce.

OP, I rarely comment on relationship threads but oh my god your husband is an awful human. He is hugely disrespectful to you and is damaging your self esteem. He is financially abusive and sounds like he is intentionally really messing with your head. He tells you he’s thinking about other women all day, but somehow you’re the mental and weird one? He sounds like he does not want to be around you at all. I could not be married to a man who makes me feel like a big fucking inconvenience in his life. I have never ever said this on here before but I would absolutely leave him before he makes you feel completely worthless. He is vile. So sorry you are having to go through this.

He is an abusive arsehole. Confide in your parents and start planning an escape

@EarthSight it was a long time ago now but this thread really resonated. I hate that anyone has to go through this. It's so cruel and debilitating to self esteem. There's no way of fixing it that I ever found, and I really tried.

I think in hindsight I was likely married to a narcissist- very high profile job, good public image, had needs that always entirely trumped mine. No respect for me or recognition for what I contributed with the dcs. Contemptuous of anything I achieved. I remember taking up running and coming back from a run and excitedly asking him to guess how far I'd just gone. "I don't care" was the answer.

He's now a disinterested xh and father unless there's anyone around to hear and then he's charm personified. I suspect he's now making life difficult for my replacement but I can't do much about that.

It has taken a fair amount of counselling to process all this.

Confide in your parents and make arrangements to get out.

His contempt for you is abusive and appalling.

My exH did the putting his headphones back on mid sentence. It was cruel and humiliating.

You're wasting your one and only life on someone who rolls his wyes when you walk into the room.

Really think about that.

Yes, the only things his eyes should be doing when you walk into the room is lighting up. I feel so sad for you, OP, for how you're being treated. Please don't waste any more time on him, you're flogging a dead horse.

You will feel a million times better once he is gone, a weight will lift and you will wonder why you kept him around so long. You are doing so much on your own anyway, having his negative energy around us doing nothing but draining you further.

As a bloke I can confirm without reservation that he is a massive bellend who is not worthy of being married to you.

If he is like this after less than 6 months imagine what he will be like after 5 years. Cut your losses

Sorry this s happening, I get being embarrassed but it’s his fault. He seems like a huge douchebag.