My parents can be demanding for my time. They are both in their early 70s. They retired 10 years ago and moved abroad. Both got part time work for spending money and lived a lovely life. they come back to U.K. for a few months a year to town I grew up in and just sit there.
My younger sister lives in south of England and me in the north we both work busy jobs and my sister has a family. Family home is around 3 hours aways from me and 10 from my sister driving. when they come back to U.K. they never come to visit us, despite both of us living in our areas for over 20 years. My parents have visited 3 times to me. Slightly more to my sister as they have 3 grand kids there. They except us to use our annual leave to visit them few times a year and get annoyed if I chose to go on holiday somewhere else. I do visit once a year for a week, but would like to experience other parts of the world too.
They have just bought a flat in U.K. a hour from where my sister lives and are planning to come back to U.K. to live permanently soon. They expect me to visit every month - but it’s not really doable for weekends off due to trains, and area they live. Their solution is to take a long weekend annual leave every month
Christmas is worse as they expect me to visit. I work in healthcare and even tho I get the back holidays off not always Christmas Eve. This means I end up driving through the night to spend Christmas with them and leave boxing day lunch to get gone for work next day. I invited them to me one Christmas and they hated it.
They are become really demanding with phone calls and texts. When they are working they are too busy to call. But when not working, demand via texts I call all the time and have to use video calls. This got worst during lockdown where I was working lots and they weren’t. They expected daily calls during the day when I was working. I do call them weekly but they want to spend at least 2 hours on the phone. Which I do.
i spoke to them last week and they knew I am incredibly busy at work and social life for next 3 weeks - 2 friends weddings and a massive project at work with lots of work social events. Said I would call next week but it would be a shorter 30 mins call. they were not happy and in their words I couldn’t carve out time for the old people.
Now receiving texts like we haven’t heard from you in ages (had sent them a text that morning) Are you alive? (Called them that day) We need to tell you something important (needed to tell me the car got fixed). If you love me you will call me! Phoning me 5 times in a row during work hours where I texted back saying was in a meeting was it important? They replied call us urgently. Left meeting thinking something had happened. (Just wanted a chat and was only way).
I have spoken in the past that I do keep in touch and it’s getting too much with the demanding texts. I have tried texting daily this just means they text constantly and demand replies. Call more often for shorter times, but they expect long calls every time. Explained busy (currently work 50 hrs week) but they don’t understand. However, when they work always get told don’t disturb as too busy!!
We are not close as a family. They were workaholics growing up, so didn’t see them much and taught us to be independent early on. As my partner says, they always put themselves first and don’t think of others.
I do love them, but can’t be in constant contact or react to their demanding texts. They are not like that with my sister as she has kids. As I have none they think I am still a teenager.
what do I do?